Came home today. By home I mean, HOME! I'm in Oklahoma for the Thanksgiving holiday and my heart could not be filled with more joy.
I walked off the airplane, through the terminal, and saw familiarity and my momma. Tears welled up in my eyes and I was so happy to be home.
I've come to a realization. I don't like Maryland. This sentence is more complex than it appears. I don't like Maryland. What I do like about Maryland: My job, the scenery, co-workers, my 3 friends. My realization is that I do not like Maryland because when I'm in Maryland I cannot escape loneliness. Loneliness never leaves me (so how am I lonely it it never leaves me alone?), I do not have any emotional connection with Maryland and to be honest I'm ready to come home. The only thing that continues to drive me forward is the fact that I'm learning. I'm learning so much, but is that enough? I don't know how long I'll last. I guess this is another lesson from God about perseverance and faith. I have to last. I want to last.
Please pray for me if you think about it. Come next tuesday I'm going to be very sad, possibly bitter, and not ready to go "home." (I shutter to even call Maryland home...)
What does the Lord have in store for me next? It really doesn't matter, I need to focus on today because today has enough worries of it's own...
- Kinsey
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
friends are friends forever...
Have you heard the really old song, "friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..."? Well I LOVED that song when I was a little girl. I remember singing it to my best friends Kara and Kristen (twins), I LOVED this song. I'm not sure how I can express how much I loved this song. Now, I kinda make fun of it but you better believe I know every word.
So Why am I talking about this song? Because at this "place" in my life right now I am realizing how important friendships are, how important community is, and how difficult it is to come by. Transitioning from Ozark to Maryland hasn't only been difficult because I'm so far from home, but it has been difficult because I no longer live with 30 other girls, eat with 100 people, or "work (aka school)" with 600 other "kids" my age. I no longer have the tangible community and friends that I so dearly thrived on and well, loved.
I've made a few friends out here. But it's definitely been difficult. I'm so blessed with the friendships I've made and I can totally see that they are God ordained. However, I can't help but think of my friends in Joplin and Oklahoma and well others who are scattered across the world.
I know I'm setting a few roots here and I'm sure when I leave that it's going to be really hard to pull those up and move to the next place God has in store for me. But right now, I feel like one of those over grown viney plants that can't really seem to find a home.
My prayer is this, "Lord, please let me settle somewhere next year, I don't think I can be a nomad any more..." I'm not exactly sure what God has in store for me but I do know this, God is changing me and refining me and I'm glad. He is preparing me to be a leader and he is reassuring me every day that I'm doing his will.
All this to say, I really wish that I could do ministry with my friends but I know that God has to spread us out all over to, well, get stuff done. So I take comfort in what my favorite song says, "Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..." I'm not saying I'll never see my friends again because I've graduated college but I do think in Heaven there's going to be one fabulous reunion.
So my dear friends, I miss you. I'm not sure when I'll see you but know that I think about you daily, pray for you, and wish you success, hope, and a friendship that lasts a forever (literally).
Love,
Kinsey
Just wanted to say, "Hay!"
So Why am I talking about this song? Because at this "place" in my life right now I am realizing how important friendships are, how important community is, and how difficult it is to come by. Transitioning from Ozark to Maryland hasn't only been difficult because I'm so far from home, but it has been difficult because I no longer live with 30 other girls, eat with 100 people, or "work (aka school)" with 600 other "kids" my age. I no longer have the tangible community and friends that I so dearly thrived on and well, loved.
I've made a few friends out here. But it's definitely been difficult. I'm so blessed with the friendships I've made and I can totally see that they are God ordained. However, I can't help but think of my friends in Joplin and Oklahoma and well others who are scattered across the world.
I know I'm setting a few roots here and I'm sure when I leave that it's going to be really hard to pull those up and move to the next place God has in store for me. But right now, I feel like one of those over grown viney plants that can't really seem to find a home.
My prayer is this, "Lord, please let me settle somewhere next year, I don't think I can be a nomad any more..." I'm not exactly sure what God has in store for me but I do know this, God is changing me and refining me and I'm glad. He is preparing me to be a leader and he is reassuring me every day that I'm doing his will.
All this to say, I really wish that I could do ministry with my friends but I know that God has to spread us out all over to, well, get stuff done. So I take comfort in what my favorite song says, "Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..." I'm not saying I'll never see my friends again because I've graduated college but I do think in Heaven there's going to be one fabulous reunion.
So my dear friends, I miss you. I'm not sure when I'll see you but know that I think about you daily, pray for you, and wish you success, hope, and a friendship that lasts a forever (literally).
Love,
Kinsey
Just wanted to say, "Hay!"
Thursday, September 30, 2010
A new kind of me...
I've been in Maryland for 3 weeks now. Time sure has flown by! I'm still discovering the town, city, and well east coast. Most days I get lost if I try and explore and sometimes I get lost on my way to work. I wish i wasn't so geographically and directionally challenged. The family I live with have some of the kindest hearts i have ever met. They love missions and the church and they are big volunteers! Obviously this family is well loved in the church.
My job is crazy. I still haven't figured everything out but it all comes with time. Mountain (the church i work out) is going to be a wonderful learning opportunity for me. The staff and members are absolutely wonderful. Community is key here at this church.
I'm immersing myself in the "culture" of Maryland and the church staff life. I never knew how much responsibility i signed up for when choosing to go into ministry. I had no idea that people are always looking at me and that appearance really does matter when you are in a ministry position. You must always look pure and not allow people to "assume." My mind set has completely changed from being selfish to being focused on the mission of the church.
It may seem that my life here in MD is just peachy and perfect, however, it does come with heartache, homesickness, and humility. I used to be so independent. I didn't have to rely on any one for directions or guidance... I did everything myself. Now I have to get step by step directions, hugs from strangers, and counsel for my spirit that seems to be in the refining process.
My friend was talking to me the other day on chat and he asked me what I was struggling with, my answer was the whole transition from being in college and moving to Maryland. Tresor responded to me with this:
"Transitions are our training ground for our calling, it's where we learn the difference between being called and being driven. It is the time we are refined for what we are truly called to."
These words that Tresor told me really spoke to my soul. They have been my prayer the last few days. I really do find that God is refining me and molding me into the woman that he wants me to be today, tomorrow, and in years to come. Needless to say, I think that after a year I am going to be a completely new person. I'm excited for the journey that God is leading me on and I can't wait for the doors that are awaiting my arrival.
Blessings,
Kinsey
"Maryland Me"
My job is crazy. I still haven't figured everything out but it all comes with time. Mountain (the church i work out) is going to be a wonderful learning opportunity for me. The staff and members are absolutely wonderful. Community is key here at this church.
I'm immersing myself in the "culture" of Maryland and the church staff life. I never knew how much responsibility i signed up for when choosing to go into ministry. I had no idea that people are always looking at me and that appearance really does matter when you are in a ministry position. You must always look pure and not allow people to "assume." My mind set has completely changed from being selfish to being focused on the mission of the church.
It may seem that my life here in MD is just peachy and perfect, however, it does come with heartache, homesickness, and humility. I used to be so independent. I didn't have to rely on any one for directions or guidance... I did everything myself. Now I have to get step by step directions, hugs from strangers, and counsel for my spirit that seems to be in the refining process.
My friend was talking to me the other day on chat and he asked me what I was struggling with, my answer was the whole transition from being in college and moving to Maryland. Tresor responded to me with this:
"Transitions are our training ground for our calling, it's where we learn the difference between being called and being driven. It is the time we are refined for what we are truly called to."
These words that Tresor told me really spoke to my soul. They have been my prayer the last few days. I really do find that God is refining me and molding me into the woman that he wants me to be today, tomorrow, and in years to come. Needless to say, I think that after a year I am going to be a completely new person. I'm excited for the journey that God is leading me on and I can't wait for the doors that are awaiting my arrival.
Blessings,
Kinsey
"Maryland Me"
Sunday, September 5, 2010
On the move
Well folks, I've leaving for Maryland in the morning. I should be arriving on Wednesday in the early afternoon. I'll update you in about a week how everything is going. Please pray for me as I transition into this season of life.
Blessings,
Kinsey
Blessings,
Kinsey
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Priorities
Last week I was given the best advice. Do to the amount of encouragement it gave me, I desperately wanted to share it with you. This advice may not come to a surprise to you but for me it was a revelation that I had not given enough thought.
Matthew 22:37 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
I think maybe my whole life I have looked at this verse with blind eyes. It just hasn't been clear to me what loving God means. My mentor Karen told me that as long as i remember that loving God is my first priority I will stand firm and not fall away. We began talking about this and she asked me what my priorities were and naturally I said, "God and what i do for Him..." Karen quickly told me that What I do for God is not as important as having an intimate relationship with God. I can do a lot of things for God but none of it matters unless I love Him and allow him to have my whole life completely and wholly.
It has been so easy for me to think that my relationship with God is right because I am constantly working in the church and surrounded by religion and good needs. However, I have come to the realization that while this is important, my relationship with God should be above all else! I can't just cook and clean and serve all the time. God doesn't just want that. He wants me. He wants to hold me under his wings and hear about what gives me joy and comfort and peace and what breaks my heart and hurts me. God wants my heart, my soul, my mind.
Many times I wonder why so many people in the ministry fall away. The reason is because they become so busy with doing "godly work" that they forget to cultivate their relationship with God and slowly but surely the ground they stand on is no longer rock but sand.
We all have the ability to fall. This is so scary to me. However, I know that if I continually have an intimate relationship with the Lord he will keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. This is not only my prayer for myself but also for you. I hope this brings you revelation and encourage like it did me.
Matthew 22:37 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
I think maybe my whole life I have looked at this verse with blind eyes. It just hasn't been clear to me what loving God means. My mentor Karen told me that as long as i remember that loving God is my first priority I will stand firm and not fall away. We began talking about this and she asked me what my priorities were and naturally I said, "God and what i do for Him..." Karen quickly told me that What I do for God is not as important as having an intimate relationship with God. I can do a lot of things for God but none of it matters unless I love Him and allow him to have my whole life completely and wholly.
It has been so easy for me to think that my relationship with God is right because I am constantly working in the church and surrounded by religion and good needs. However, I have come to the realization that while this is important, my relationship with God should be above all else! I can't just cook and clean and serve all the time. God doesn't just want that. He wants me. He wants to hold me under his wings and hear about what gives me joy and comfort and peace and what breaks my heart and hurts me. God wants my heart, my soul, my mind.
Many times I wonder why so many people in the ministry fall away. The reason is because they become so busy with doing "godly work" that they forget to cultivate their relationship with God and slowly but surely the ground they stand on is no longer rock but sand.
We all have the ability to fall. This is so scary to me. However, I know that if I continually have an intimate relationship with the Lord he will keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. This is not only my prayer for myself but also for you. I hope this brings you revelation and encourage like it did me.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Michael
I just came from a visitation. My brother's brother in law passed away this week. There is something about being in a room with a body that no longer breathes. I kept looking over expecting him to breathe but just his frame was still there... no soul, no life. In his casket was his favorite stuffed animal, a school bus model, and a fire truck. These were his prize possessions. Michael passed away on Tuesday.
If i take a step back and look at it from a different view, his death and the last days of his life were beautiful. On Monday Michael and my sister in law Teri spent the day together. She was his daytime caregiver because he suffered from a rare disease called "hunters." Teri fixed his favorite snack and they watched Ku Fu Panda together. Michael and Teri even talked about how, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is the present, that's why they call it a gift." They talked about how we aren't guaranteed another day and they made plans to take my niece on walks when the weather started to cool down.
Michael went to bed that night and passed away peacefully in his sleep. There was no warning, no signs, he was just gone. Later on Teri had been on his computer and saw that one of his last google searches was "What is Heaven like?" I truly believe that Michael new that he was ready to be with the Lord. Others were not ready to watch him leave this earth but he was ready to see his heavenly father and to be healed through and through. His life and his passing is a representation not only to me but to everyone who came into contact with him of a life blessed by God. We don't always understand why things happen but God worked good in his life and while some may say he died alone, I know that Jesus was with Michael ready to take him to home.
Rest in peace Michael, may you dance in the glory of the giver of life, the author of everything good.
Love,
Kinsey
If i take a step back and look at it from a different view, his death and the last days of his life were beautiful. On Monday Michael and my sister in law Teri spent the day together. She was his daytime caregiver because he suffered from a rare disease called "hunters." Teri fixed his favorite snack and they watched Ku Fu Panda together. Michael and Teri even talked about how, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is the present, that's why they call it a gift." They talked about how we aren't guaranteed another day and they made plans to take my niece on walks when the weather started to cool down.
Michael went to bed that night and passed away peacefully in his sleep. There was no warning, no signs, he was just gone. Later on Teri had been on his computer and saw that one of his last google searches was "What is Heaven like?" I truly believe that Michael new that he was ready to be with the Lord. Others were not ready to watch him leave this earth but he was ready to see his heavenly father and to be healed through and through. His life and his passing is a representation not only to me but to everyone who came into contact with him of a life blessed by God. We don't always understand why things happen but God worked good in his life and while some may say he died alone, I know that Jesus was with Michael ready to take him to home.
Rest in peace Michael, may you dance in the glory of the giver of life, the author of everything good.
Love,
Kinsey
Friday, July 23, 2010
welcome to my world...
Hey friends! Thanks for helping me name my Nissan Cube! I would proudly like to announce "Wilson, aka Willy Wonka" to the Cube family!
Woo hoo! i'm super excited about "Wilson" and all of the fun times to be had...
Woo hoo! i'm super excited about "Wilson" and all of the fun times to be had...
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Square? Nah, I'd rather say i'm a "cube"
Well friends,
BIG NEWS! I bought my first car tonight. I am so excited! I purchased a 2010 Nissan Cube; color "bitter chocolate"... I am so excited. Not only for my new car but this little baby is what I'll be taking to Maryland. This is one of the many steps that i had to take in order to be able to go to Maryland! This internship is becoming so so real! Did I mention that i was excited?
Well, I'll be saying goodbye to my old car, the "gem (gemini)" my 2000 Plymouth Voyager Van. I'm not to sad to see her go... my brother will be taking good car of her. However, I do desperately need to name my Cube. So, I'm hosting a naming contest. I don't have a prize... but I think the prize is that I'll name my car what you suggested! Here are the regulations, it has to be a boy name because my cube is a "guy"... So put your thinking caps on and suggest a name, I'll let you know when I come to a decision!
BIG NEWS! I bought my first car tonight. I am so excited! I purchased a 2010 Nissan Cube; color "bitter chocolate"... I am so excited. Not only for my new car but this little baby is what I'll be taking to Maryland. This is one of the many steps that i had to take in order to be able to go to Maryland! This internship is becoming so so real! Did I mention that i was excited?
Well, I'll be saying goodbye to my old car, the "gem (gemini)" my 2000 Plymouth Voyager Van. I'm not to sad to see her go... my brother will be taking good car of her. However, I do desperately need to name my Cube. So, I'm hosting a naming contest. I don't have a prize... but I think the prize is that I'll name my car what you suggested! Here are the regulations, it has to be a boy name because my cube is a "guy"... So put your thinking caps on and suggest a name, I'll let you know when I come to a decision!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Purposeful intentions
There are times in my life when I get down on myself and I throw myself a "Princess Kinsey Pity Party" I call it the "PkPP" I'd like to say it's an annul event, however, it seems to happen more often than i like. I was listening to a sermon by Beth Moore the other day at Bible Study when she said something that really opened my eyes. I'm not sure why I had never thought of it before but it seemed so purposeful for me to hear that evening. She was describing how often times we feel sorry for ourselves and we wonder why we are different or why our paths have twists and turns they way they do and then she said this, "you're not being picked on, you're being picked out... you are chosen." This resonated within my soul. Am I really chosen to be in ministry? Did God really pick me to do this? I believe He did. There is no doubt in my mind that God has laid the paths before me that i have walked down... I could have chosen a different path but I'm glad my soul wanted to be where Jesus was leading me. I hope that maybe this encourages you. God has chosen you to do great things for his glory. So if/when you're discouraged look up to the heavens and remember that HE chose you for a purpose...
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Healed
Transitions are not an easy thing. No one ever warned me about the difficult time i might have moving from college to "the real world" I wasn't informed and I had no idea that this transition would break my heart. One moment I have community around me 24/7 and the next I have lack of structure, lack of communication, and to be honest lack of friends. This whole moving back home to Tulsa has taken a toll (much like the turnpike) on me that for sure.
I'm finding myself to be the black sheep in the bunch. It's weird I fit in so well at Ozark, but here I'm different. I don't relate (I try but my friends just don't see it) and I'm just down. My spirit aches for friendship, deep spiritual companionship, and community.
I just happened to be with a dear friend of mine when I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown. We were driving out of the neighborhood to wal mart when my heart sank and the tears began to roll down my face. All i said was, "I'm so lonely." My friend let me vent, talk and explain how sad and heavy my heart was and how I desire love, community, and friendship. I told her I just wish life wasn't like this right now. My sweet friend pulled the car over in a neighborhood gave me a hug and cried with me. She didn't say anything except, "It kills me to know you are lonely, i'm so sorry." I never knew how this one act, a hug, could bring forth healing to my soul.
This experience reminds me of how Jesus healed people. With one touch he healed the bleeding woman, with spit and mud he healed the blind man. Many more stories in the Scriptures show that Jesus healed with touch (and faith of the people too). Jesus never said much to the people, he commanded them, touched them and they were healed.
So maybe you're in a position where you are surrounded by a lot of hurting people. Maybe these people are going through rather tough situations. Instead of listing ways to fix their problems, lean over, give them a hug and cry with them. Bring healing to their souls... it doesn't matter if you relate or not... a simple act can heal the deepest wounds.
I'm finding myself to be the black sheep in the bunch. It's weird I fit in so well at Ozark, but here I'm different. I don't relate (I try but my friends just don't see it) and I'm just down. My spirit aches for friendship, deep spiritual companionship, and community.
I just happened to be with a dear friend of mine when I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown. We were driving out of the neighborhood to wal mart when my heart sank and the tears began to roll down my face. All i said was, "I'm so lonely." My friend let me vent, talk and explain how sad and heavy my heart was and how I desire love, community, and friendship. I told her I just wish life wasn't like this right now. My sweet friend pulled the car over in a neighborhood gave me a hug and cried with me. She didn't say anything except, "It kills me to know you are lonely, i'm so sorry." I never knew how this one act, a hug, could bring forth healing to my soul.
This experience reminds me of how Jesus healed people. With one touch he healed the bleeding woman, with spit and mud he healed the blind man. Many more stories in the Scriptures show that Jesus healed with touch (and faith of the people too). Jesus never said much to the people, he commanded them, touched them and they were healed.
So maybe you're in a position where you are surrounded by a lot of hurting people. Maybe these people are going through rather tough situations. Instead of listing ways to fix their problems, lean over, give them a hug and cry with them. Bring healing to their souls... it doesn't matter if you relate or not... a simple act can heal the deepest wounds.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Mirror Mirror on the wall...
I've been participating in an amazing "young women's" bible study. We have chosen the study by Beth Moore called, "A woman's heart, God's dwelling place" and while at first i had my doubts and critiques I have come to realize that i have learned so much from this study. Beth is taking us through the the Old Testament and the Tabernacle and it's importance and how we can apply it to our daily lives. This past week we were studying the Alter of Incense and the Basin Laver. This may seem boring to you but it's incredible to see how God used particular tasks and sacrifices to bring about atonement and glory.
The Basin Laver was an interesting study. I learned that this was made out of the wealthy women's mirrors. So when the priests went in to wash their hands and feet they had to look at themselves in the mirror. The reason for this is so they could become right with God. I thought this was so cool because I really struggle with admitting my sin and bringing up who i am to God. Usually I just pray, "God forgive me of my sins" and move on. But what i realized is this is not what God wants from us. He wants us to look at ourselves, acknowledge our sin, and have sorrow for our sin so that we might change.
Even after studying this I found myself praying the same prayer over again. It is so hard to acknowledge my sin and to look at who I am when i'm sinning. Then I realized that I haven't been sorrowful over my sin in a months. I haven't wept during a prayer over my sin for a long long time. And you know what? I need too. Communicating with God and explaining to him why i do things not only helps prevent me from repeating old habits but it also deepens my relationship with God and helps me hear the Holy Spirit.
So, when you enter your tabernacle this week, make sure you take a look in the mirror. God desires open communication about every part of our lives, even sin. Jesus bore that sin when he was crucified on the cross... the least we can do is admit the wrongs we have done.
As Beth would say, "Go in peace beloved ones..."
(I really love Beth Moore and all of here little sayings, especially her Arkansas twang...)
The Basin Laver was an interesting study. I learned that this was made out of the wealthy women's mirrors. So when the priests went in to wash their hands and feet they had to look at themselves in the mirror. The reason for this is so they could become right with God. I thought this was so cool because I really struggle with admitting my sin and bringing up who i am to God. Usually I just pray, "God forgive me of my sins" and move on. But what i realized is this is not what God wants from us. He wants us to look at ourselves, acknowledge our sin, and have sorrow for our sin so that we might change.
Even after studying this I found myself praying the same prayer over again. It is so hard to acknowledge my sin and to look at who I am when i'm sinning. Then I realized that I haven't been sorrowful over my sin in a months. I haven't wept during a prayer over my sin for a long long time. And you know what? I need too. Communicating with God and explaining to him why i do things not only helps prevent me from repeating old habits but it also deepens my relationship with God and helps me hear the Holy Spirit.
So, when you enter your tabernacle this week, make sure you take a look in the mirror. God desires open communication about every part of our lives, even sin. Jesus bore that sin when he was crucified on the cross... the least we can do is admit the wrongs we have done.
As Beth would say, "Go in peace beloved ones..."
(I really love Beth Moore and all of here little sayings, especially her Arkansas twang...)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Blog Design Help.
Here's the deal, I need help updating the style of my blog. I want the birds gone... I can't figure it out! Can anyone help me???? Oh please oh please oh please!!!!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Boom!
Hey friends! Well as exciting as my life is, I thought it was time to update you on a few things.
1. I'm still single.
2. I'm still jobless.
3. This makes me very much available.
Okay okay, enough of that. Next Thursday (the 17th) I will get the opportunity to present my internship for Mountain. During this time I will tell them how this will not only benefit me, my home church, Mountain CC, but also the Kingdom. I'm trying to raise $15,300. I'm praying that my church will be my main supporter, not only financially but also through prayer. Please join me this next week in asking for God's favor and guidance in the provision of my funds so that I can go to Maryland and learn about "Glocal" ministry.
If you would like to look at Mountian's website it is mountainchristian.org --- not only is their missions program incredible but so is the history of their church and the other incredible ministries being produced from their church.
Well, Blessings to you this week!
Kinseymac
In the meantime I'll be smelling the flowers...
1. I'm still single.
2. I'm still jobless.
3. This makes me very much available.
Okay okay, enough of that. Next Thursday (the 17th) I will get the opportunity to present my internship for Mountain. During this time I will tell them how this will not only benefit me, my home church, Mountain CC, but also the Kingdom. I'm trying to raise $15,300. I'm praying that my church will be my main supporter, not only financially but also through prayer. Please join me this next week in asking for God's favor and guidance in the provision of my funds so that I can go to Maryland and learn about "Glocal" ministry.
If you would like to look at Mountian's website it is mountainchristian.org --- not only is their missions program incredible but so is the history of their church and the other incredible ministries being produced from their church.
Well, Blessings to you this week!
Kinseymac
In the meantime I'll be smelling the flowers...
Monday, June 7, 2010
home is where the heart is.
Currently I'm reflecting on the places that i call home. Sometimes when you're in a state of boredom and loneliness you remember how much God has blessed you in the past. It's good to remember where you've come from. It's good to be excited to see where you'll go. So while I await the future i'll remember the tough times, the good times, the bad times, and the provision that God has blessed me with and refined me in through the past, but i'll remember to live in the present because even though this time seems mundane and boring God is teaching me daily and allowing me to spend time resting in the arms of my family.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
battlefield
To all of my prayer warriors it's time to get your prayers on. I've been talking with Mountain Christian Church (in Maryland) about my internship. I've figured up my budget and I need to raise about $15,000. It's going to cost me around $1275 to pay my bills a month.
So I'm beginning my first stage of support, PRAYER. I need prayer, all the prayer i can get. Currently i'm jobless but tomorrow I have an interview at a daycare, please pray that this goes well. It's full time and I can use this 3 month salary to help support myself. Secondly I need prayer that God will guide me, that he will show me the way and help me with all of the logistics. Figuring up health and car insurance is confusing stuff. Also, pray that churches will find favor with me. This internship will be such an incredible learning opportunity. My internship is under the "glocal" minister. This means that I will be working with global and local ministries, missionaries, and such. This is my passion and I'm so excited about it. The reason I'm so excited about it is because churches need missions ministers. The church is called to reach the unreached and I want to educate and help the church fulfill the great commission.
All of this to say, I'm starting to get really excited about all of this. I think it'll be a great opportunity. It's going to be a lot of stress and hard work getting up there but if God wills it, it'll all fall into place.
Thank you for your prayers.
P.S. the goal is to have me out there... SEPTEMBER 1... EEK!
So I'm beginning my first stage of support, PRAYER. I need prayer, all the prayer i can get. Currently i'm jobless but tomorrow I have an interview at a daycare, please pray that this goes well. It's full time and I can use this 3 month salary to help support myself. Secondly I need prayer that God will guide me, that he will show me the way and help me with all of the logistics. Figuring up health and car insurance is confusing stuff. Also, pray that churches will find favor with me. This internship will be such an incredible learning opportunity. My internship is under the "glocal" minister. This means that I will be working with global and local ministries, missionaries, and such. This is my passion and I'm so excited about it. The reason I'm so excited about it is because churches need missions ministers. The church is called to reach the unreached and I want to educate and help the church fulfill the great commission.
All of this to say, I'm starting to get really excited about all of this. I think it'll be a great opportunity. It's going to be a lot of stress and hard work getting up there but if God wills it, it'll all fall into place.
Thank you for your prayers.
P.S. the goal is to have me out there... SEPTEMBER 1... EEK!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Paving the way
I'm officially a graduate of Ozark Christian College! We had an amazing commencement service on Saturday. To me it felt more like a commissioning service, sending us out to reach the nations. I was encouraged and filled with joy, pride, love, and admiration. I was so excited to know that I went to such an amazing and supportive school where my professors pray for not only me but all of the students... by name.
I said goodbye to some of my closest and dearest friends. Some i'll see in a few months, others in a year or two. I also said goodbye to my home of 4 years. It's so strange to think that I'm no longer a student at Ozark and that I'll never be moving back into the dorm (that is unless I become a dorm parent... haha!) I came to this realization when my mom pulled into our driveway and we started unloading all of my belongings. And then it came... emotional breakdown. I just started bawling. My sweet mom just asked what i needed and tried to calm me down. I guess it's just a process (at least for me).
Here's the thing, I have to keep a positive attitude. I have to realize that it's my time to give back. So many people have been investing in me and now it's my time to show them what God has done in me. I received a really awesome note on graduation day from my friend Connor. He gave me a new perspective and it read this, "I know it may seem like you're leaving a lot behind, but you're not. you're just paving the way until the rest of us can join you in the real world; and frankly, I can't think of a better person for the job that you." It's true. Eventually all of my friends will leave Ozark and move on with their lives. It's exciting to think of all the possible connections that i'll have in the future and the possibility of working with some of my friends in ministry. I'm excited to see how God works in the lives of the ones I call family. What an amazing adventure ahead of me (us).
I thought I'd post a few pictures of the day
Connor thanks for the encouraging words!
Benny Bear thanks for teaching me about useless "modes" of music
Andy Pants thanks for always make me tea!
David thanks for being an amazing friend and brother!
To my girls Molly, Morgan, and Jess thank you for being amazing friends, sisters, and prayer warriors.
Dave and Charlie, Thank you for showing me true unconditional friendship. Thank you for teaching me the art of nertz and blogging. You guys are great.
And a final Group photo!
I said goodbye to some of my closest and dearest friends. Some i'll see in a few months, others in a year or two. I also said goodbye to my home of 4 years. It's so strange to think that I'm no longer a student at Ozark and that I'll never be moving back into the dorm (that is unless I become a dorm parent... haha!) I came to this realization when my mom pulled into our driveway and we started unloading all of my belongings. And then it came... emotional breakdown. I just started bawling. My sweet mom just asked what i needed and tried to calm me down. I guess it's just a process (at least for me).
Here's the thing, I have to keep a positive attitude. I have to realize that it's my time to give back. So many people have been investing in me and now it's my time to show them what God has done in me. I received a really awesome note on graduation day from my friend Connor. He gave me a new perspective and it read this, "I know it may seem like you're leaving a lot behind, but you're not. you're just paving the way until the rest of us can join you in the real world; and frankly, I can't think of a better person for the job that you." It's true. Eventually all of my friends will leave Ozark and move on with their lives. It's exciting to think of all the possible connections that i'll have in the future and the possibility of working with some of my friends in ministry. I'm excited to see how God works in the lives of the ones I call family. What an amazing adventure ahead of me (us).
I thought I'd post a few pictures of the day
Connor thanks for the encouraging words!
Benny Bear thanks for teaching me about useless "modes" of music
Andy Pants thanks for always make me tea!
David thanks for being an amazing friend and brother!
To my girls Molly, Morgan, and Jess thank you for being amazing friends, sisters, and prayer warriors.
Dave and Charlie, Thank you for showing me true unconditional friendship. Thank you for teaching me the art of nertz and blogging. You guys are great.
And a final Group photo!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
knock knock, who's there?
It's so surreal. I never actually thought graduation day would come. But here it is! 2 days away. Tomorrow we have baccalaureate and then saturday is the BIG day! GRADUATION! I can't believe it. You know, when I was a senior in high school I never thought about being a senior in college I guess my mind just didn't fast forward that much. It's really funny because everyone always seems to be surprised when they find out you go to a Bible college and at times I get on a high horse about it. Yeah, I go to Ozark... I'm super spiritual and sacrificial... Oh wow! How prideful i can be! However, I never thought of what would happen after graduation. Everything i've been studying for, for 4 years has come to an end. Now I'm expected to go out and serve God. And you know what.... I actually want to. It's completely terrifying and it isn't easy finding a place to serve either. I'm nervous to say the least. It feels like finding a job at a church is going to be a long, bumpy, blurry road ahead of me. It's imperative that i remember God's faithfulness... he has been teaching me his faithfulness for a year on purpose (I do believe...).
These college years have been pretty selfish. Everything has been centered around me. Money, study, and friendships... even serving. Yes, these acts have glorified God but they were pretty selfish and self centered. But now it's my time to give back. It's now time to let God do the choosing and the sending and the guiding. Often times we hear the phrase "God will open up a door" and many times we are selfish in our thinking and believe that God is opening up that door for our needs but have you ever thought about the person on the other side of the door? People are out there waiting to hear the Gospel. Maybe for the first time or maybe in a different light. Whatever the reason God is placing me, you, and my dear graduates in doorways of people who need a little nudge of love in the right direction. It excites me to think about who might be waiting on the other side of the door. I'm excited to see who my friends open the door to too.
So I leave you with this thought,
"When one door opens, sometimes it's for the person on the other side..." --- Chris DeWelt
Go on, open the door... remember how exciting it was to watch the doors open on Reading Rainbow? Well, I guess life is kinda like that... now go see what's on the other side.
These college years have been pretty selfish. Everything has been centered around me. Money, study, and friendships... even serving. Yes, these acts have glorified God but they were pretty selfish and self centered. But now it's my time to give back. It's now time to let God do the choosing and the sending and the guiding. Often times we hear the phrase "God will open up a door" and many times we are selfish in our thinking and believe that God is opening up that door for our needs but have you ever thought about the person on the other side of the door? People are out there waiting to hear the Gospel. Maybe for the first time or maybe in a different light. Whatever the reason God is placing me, you, and my dear graduates in doorways of people who need a little nudge of love in the right direction. It excites me to think about who might be waiting on the other side of the door. I'm excited to see who my friends open the door to too.
So I leave you with this thought,
"When one door opens, sometimes it's for the person on the other side..." --- Chris DeWelt
Go on, open the door... remember how exciting it was to watch the doors open on Reading Rainbow? Well, I guess life is kinda like that... now go see what's on the other side.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Just call me Aunt Kinsey!
I would like to officially welcome by baby niece Rachel Lynn McMillan to the world!
She was born this morning around 5am weighing in at 6lbs 5 oz, 20.5 inches long! She's extremely beautiful and I can't wait to meet her. It's an incredible feeling to have your siblings child enter the world. It's unlike anything i've ever felt. I'm so overwhelmed with joy and I'm so excited to be an Aunt!
She was born this morning around 5am weighing in at 6lbs 5 oz, 20.5 inches long! She's extremely beautiful and I can't wait to meet her. It's an incredible feeling to have your siblings child enter the world. It's unlike anything i've ever felt. I'm so overwhelmed with joy and I'm so excited to be an Aunt!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
LOUD AND CLEAR
I've been slightly annoyed as of late. It seems that every conversation i have with an acquaintance or underclassman goes like this:
person - "Kinsey, Are you ready to graduate?"
me- "No, actually I'm pretty sad, but it is exciting..."
person - "OMG, it's so exciting! What are you going to do with your life?"
me - "Well, I'm moving back home. I'm trying to get an internship but it isn't looking to promising..." (cue awkwardness...)
Wow, doesn't that conversation look depressing. Why am I not excited to graduate? Why is it that after 4 years of insanely hard work I'm sad, verging on depression, and crying at the drop of a hat?
In less than 2 weeks my life is going to change. My structure is going to be gone. I'll be going home to a community of weak believers and i'll be jobless. I'm completely dependent on my parents and vulnerable. I don't have a job, or any plans... and all i really want to do is be a summer bum, get tan, and hang out with my friends. However that is not going to happen. But let's start getting positive. This summer i'm going to read, learn, and pray. I'm going to search for where God is leading me and hopefully he'll be using me and guiding me. It's actually quite exciting. And hey, maybe i'll find a really cool job?? If i've learned anything it's that God is faithful...
I love my friends... A lot. My friends have become my family and I care for them deeply. We all have the same passions and desires and it's easy to talk, have fun, relax, and just be ourselves around each other. My friends are so incredibly wonderful. God has truly blessed me with the people who are in my life.
It's really going to suck saying goodbye. I am absolutely dreading it. Everything is going to change. Yes, friendships will still remain but it's going to be weird. I mean, next year half my friends could be engaged or married even. It's weird to think their lives will continue to move on without me being tangibly close to them. It also sucks because this is the last time I'll ever get to have this type of community... But you know what? I think life gets better.
My hope is that my friends will stay near and dear to the heart of Jesus, I can't wait to have a reunion with them in heaven... we're going to party like its... 2010.
Here come the infamous mother teresa quote section. I think this will be my "life quote" for the next year.
"God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try"
I love this. It forces me to step out of my comfort zone, trust God, and well... have an adventure.
person - "Kinsey, Are you ready to graduate?"
me- "No, actually I'm pretty sad, but it is exciting..."
person - "OMG, it's so exciting! What are you going to do with your life?"
me - "Well, I'm moving back home. I'm trying to get an internship but it isn't looking to promising..." (cue awkwardness...)
Wow, doesn't that conversation look depressing. Why am I not excited to graduate? Why is it that after 4 years of insanely hard work I'm sad, verging on depression, and crying at the drop of a hat?
In less than 2 weeks my life is going to change. My structure is going to be gone. I'll be going home to a community of weak believers and i'll be jobless. I'm completely dependent on my parents and vulnerable. I don't have a job, or any plans... and all i really want to do is be a summer bum, get tan, and hang out with my friends. However that is not going to happen. But let's start getting positive. This summer i'm going to read, learn, and pray. I'm going to search for where God is leading me and hopefully he'll be using me and guiding me. It's actually quite exciting. And hey, maybe i'll find a really cool job?? If i've learned anything it's that God is faithful...
I love my friends... A lot. My friends have become my family and I care for them deeply. We all have the same passions and desires and it's easy to talk, have fun, relax, and just be ourselves around each other. My friends are so incredibly wonderful. God has truly blessed me with the people who are in my life.
It's really going to suck saying goodbye. I am absolutely dreading it. Everything is going to change. Yes, friendships will still remain but it's going to be weird. I mean, next year half my friends could be engaged or married even. It's weird to think their lives will continue to move on without me being tangibly close to them. It also sucks because this is the last time I'll ever get to have this type of community... But you know what? I think life gets better.
My hope is that my friends will stay near and dear to the heart of Jesus, I can't wait to have a reunion with them in heaven... we're going to party like its... 2010.
Here come the infamous mother teresa quote section. I think this will be my "life quote" for the next year.
"God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try"
I love this. It forces me to step out of my comfort zone, trust God, and well... have an adventure.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A pain filled love...
"There is so much love in us all, but often we are too shy to express our love, and keep it bottled up inside us. We must learn to love, to love until it hurts, and we will know how to accept love." - Mother Teresa
Personally I absolutely love this quote. The reader could take this quote and put it into the context of their life and they could apply it to a romantic love or a paternal love or a platonic love. However, I wanted to share with you the first thing that came to mind when I read this quote.
When I was in China I learned something that I honestly was blinded from. Most people understand that there are many orphans in the world, especially in China. And there are a lot of presuppositions about orphans in China. Most people think that chinese orphans are girls because the people only want boys. Well this might be partially true but many children are orphaned because they have a physical defect of some kind. Now, this sounds cruel to abandon your child because they have a physical defect but in reality many times there are no other options. Heath care is China is difficult. If you don't have the money, you don't get the care. It doesn't matter if you are holding a dyeing child in your arms if you don't have all of the money you don't get help.
So, when I was in China I met a little girl named Elizabeth. She was 8 years old at the time and just about the most precious thing you've ever seen. At the foster home it was pretty rare to have such an "old" child but she had just recently been taken to the foster home. Elizabeth was abandoned when she was 8 years old. She was found in a park, blue and dyeing from a heart defect. It's hard to think about an 8 year old being abandoned. She knows who her parents are, she knows there faces, their names.... When I was told about this story my heart was struck and I thought "how could anyone abandon their child at the age of 8!" Later, someone explained to me that abandoning Elizabeth was an act of love by her parents. They knew that Elizabeth was dyeing and they knew that they couldn't afford to get her the heart surgery she so desperately needed, so they left her with faith that someone would take her and help her and care for her so that she might have the chance at life. In my mind I can only imagine the thoughts of the mother who left Elizabeth. The decision to let her go just for the chance that she might have a better life is unimaginable and selfless. I cannot imagine the conversation and explanation to Elizabeth that she was going to have to wait for someone to help her. And the most haunting thought is the screams. Can you hear the screams of Elizabeth as she watches her parents turn their backs on her? I can only imagine the tear streamed faces of her parents. The story haunts me but it also shows me the faithfulness and true love of her parents. It was the last thing they could do to save their daughter a sacrifice that they might regret and the knowledge of never knowing what happened to their precious daughter.
The story of Elizabeth reminds me of Jesus. Can you imagine the screams and tears of Mary? She knew from the beginning that God had special plans for Jesus but can you imagine watching your child (and savior) walk to his death? God sacrificed his Son so that we might have life, much like Elizabeth's parents sacrificed having a daughter so that she might have life.
The story of elizabeth gave me a much deeper and personal recognition of Jesus' death. I've always understood the importance of it but something just clicked in me when I was able to relate it...
So, think about what Mother Teresa says. Who do you think of? Do you think of the old woman that sits by you at church? Do you think about the 10th grader who likes to tell you bad jokes? Do you think about the 5th grader who is socially awkward? Do you think of the little boy who likes to play "horse" with you? Do you think of a special someone who you wish you could breathe around? Do you think about your sister or brother who you haven't spoken to in 2 months? Who do you think of? Love is uncomfortable. Being vulnerable is not a fun thing to do because you either get rejected or accepted. Now, vulnerability is a blast when you are accepted but it sure does stink when the rejection slaps you in the face. But Love, it's worth it. All kinds of love, they are worth the pain because there is also joy in it. I mean Jesus didn't walk to his death thinking everyone would accept him. He walked with the cross knowing that he would be rejected and he found strength that if even just one accepted him that his sacrifice was worth it.
Praise God for his unconditional Love.
This is my love. Debra. It hurts to be attached to a little girl who will be adopted by someone else but for one summer I was her "ayi" (aunt) and I love her with everything in me, and well it was worth it.
peace and LOVE,
Kinsey
Personally I absolutely love this quote. The reader could take this quote and put it into the context of their life and they could apply it to a romantic love or a paternal love or a platonic love. However, I wanted to share with you the first thing that came to mind when I read this quote.
When I was in China I learned something that I honestly was blinded from. Most people understand that there are many orphans in the world, especially in China. And there are a lot of presuppositions about orphans in China. Most people think that chinese orphans are girls because the people only want boys. Well this might be partially true but many children are orphaned because they have a physical defect of some kind. Now, this sounds cruel to abandon your child because they have a physical defect but in reality many times there are no other options. Heath care is China is difficult. If you don't have the money, you don't get the care. It doesn't matter if you are holding a dyeing child in your arms if you don't have all of the money you don't get help.
So, when I was in China I met a little girl named Elizabeth. She was 8 years old at the time and just about the most precious thing you've ever seen. At the foster home it was pretty rare to have such an "old" child but she had just recently been taken to the foster home. Elizabeth was abandoned when she was 8 years old. She was found in a park, blue and dyeing from a heart defect. It's hard to think about an 8 year old being abandoned. She knows who her parents are, she knows there faces, their names.... When I was told about this story my heart was struck and I thought "how could anyone abandon their child at the age of 8!" Later, someone explained to me that abandoning Elizabeth was an act of love by her parents. They knew that Elizabeth was dyeing and they knew that they couldn't afford to get her the heart surgery she so desperately needed, so they left her with faith that someone would take her and help her and care for her so that she might have the chance at life. In my mind I can only imagine the thoughts of the mother who left Elizabeth. The decision to let her go just for the chance that she might have a better life is unimaginable and selfless. I cannot imagine the conversation and explanation to Elizabeth that she was going to have to wait for someone to help her. And the most haunting thought is the screams. Can you hear the screams of Elizabeth as she watches her parents turn their backs on her? I can only imagine the tear streamed faces of her parents. The story haunts me but it also shows me the faithfulness and true love of her parents. It was the last thing they could do to save their daughter a sacrifice that they might regret and the knowledge of never knowing what happened to their precious daughter.
The story of Elizabeth reminds me of Jesus. Can you imagine the screams and tears of Mary? She knew from the beginning that God had special plans for Jesus but can you imagine watching your child (and savior) walk to his death? God sacrificed his Son so that we might have life, much like Elizabeth's parents sacrificed having a daughter so that she might have life.
The story of elizabeth gave me a much deeper and personal recognition of Jesus' death. I've always understood the importance of it but something just clicked in me when I was able to relate it...
So, think about what Mother Teresa says. Who do you think of? Do you think of the old woman that sits by you at church? Do you think about the 10th grader who likes to tell you bad jokes? Do you think about the 5th grader who is socially awkward? Do you think of the little boy who likes to play "horse" with you? Do you think of a special someone who you wish you could breathe around? Do you think about your sister or brother who you haven't spoken to in 2 months? Who do you think of? Love is uncomfortable. Being vulnerable is not a fun thing to do because you either get rejected or accepted. Now, vulnerability is a blast when you are accepted but it sure does stink when the rejection slaps you in the face. But Love, it's worth it. All kinds of love, they are worth the pain because there is also joy in it. I mean Jesus didn't walk to his death thinking everyone would accept him. He walked with the cross knowing that he would be rejected and he found strength that if even just one accepted him that his sacrifice was worth it.
Praise God for his unconditional Love.
This is my love. Debra. It hurts to be attached to a little girl who will be adopted by someone else but for one summer I was her "ayi" (aunt) and I love her with everything in me, and well it was worth it.
peace and LOVE,
Kinsey
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Rest
As of late I have been finding myself being rejuvenated by silence and solitude. This is typically not an easy thing for me to do because I really enjoy being with people and talking.... Most of the time when I pray I turn music because i can't stand the silence however, I can't even do that because I loose focus. I'm trying so hard to listen to God and it's not easy when you've been ignoring him. Hearing his voice and understanding that it's him takes time and I'm sad I ever stopped listening.
In class the other day Wade Landers asked us what we thought about listening to the Holy Spirit. Do we believe it? Can we hear it? Generally speaking when the Holy Spirit is talking to us he interrupts our thoughts, pushes us to do something we don't want to do, is scriptural, and is never wrong. You can test the Holy Spirit, but the more you ignore the Holy Spirit the less and less you hear his voice. So i've been praying for God to speak to me and he did today and I ignored him. I can't believe I ignored him. I saw a Muslim woman praying at the park today and I thought I have to talk to her, but I was uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say but in the back of my mind all of the lessons that I've heard and studied from the Bible about God using ordinary people and giving us words came to mind. I wish I had talked to her. I wish I hadn't walked away. I pray that God gives me another opportunity and I pray that i will follow be obedient and faithful.
Mother Teresa said, "We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature---trees, flowers, grass---grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls."
So, take a few moments of silence and listen to God. Rest in the quiet and read his word. The more you know about God the easier it is to hear his voice... So just rest....
In class the other day Wade Landers asked us what we thought about listening to the Holy Spirit. Do we believe it? Can we hear it? Generally speaking when the Holy Spirit is talking to us he interrupts our thoughts, pushes us to do something we don't want to do, is scriptural, and is never wrong. You can test the Holy Spirit, but the more you ignore the Holy Spirit the less and less you hear his voice. So i've been praying for God to speak to me and he did today and I ignored him. I can't believe I ignored him. I saw a Muslim woman praying at the park today and I thought I have to talk to her, but I was uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say but in the back of my mind all of the lessons that I've heard and studied from the Bible about God using ordinary people and giving us words came to mind. I wish I had talked to her. I wish I hadn't walked away. I pray that God gives me another opportunity and I pray that i will follow be obedient and faithful.
Mother Teresa said, "We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature---trees, flowers, grass---grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls."
So, take a few moments of silence and listen to God. Rest in the quiet and read his word. The more you know about God the easier it is to hear his voice... So just rest....
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Convictions of a drama queen
As of late I have had a lot of convictions. I don't know who is praying for me but I am so blessed. Currently God is rocking my world. I feel the Holy Spirit and I can hear him so clearly. My hearts desire is to be like Jesus and with every word that I say I either a) think about it before I say it b) keep my mouth shut or c) regret it and take it back...
God is working in me and I hope to be a truly transformed person. I know that it takes time, but i'm already noticing changes in myself. Also, I have this problem of being overly observant. I notice what people look like, wear, act, say... it's bad... I notice everything. Because I notice these things many times I point them out to my friends and crack a joke. Praise God for my friends who tell me to shut up and be nice because there are times when I don't even think I'm doing anything wrong!
I also believe that God is changing me because I was challenged in class to pray this prayer, "Lord be ruthless with me in revealing my selfish ambition and my lack of willingness to die to myself." I've been praying this prayer daily and although it is hard to be refined by God it is wonderful to know that I am being made new.
There has also been another helpful thought that i can not get out of my head. 1 Corinthians 13. Francis Chan writes in his book "Crazy Love" to replace "love" with your name and read the text. Am i these things?
Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
To some degree I hold a few of these qualities but not all of them. In these verses all I see is Jesus. He is all of these things and I desire to be like him. I can't get these characteristics and qualities out of my mind. When I think about someone I say, "Kinsey is not rude" or "Kinsey does not envy" and "Kinsey is patient"... I've been quiet for a few days and i'm glad. It's time for a change... a transformation.
I'll leave you with a quote from Mother Teresa.
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echos are truly endless."
- Kinsey
P.S. I have an interview with John Brown on Monday. If you think about it, say a little prayer for me. If I get the job it pays for my tuition and it would be a really wonderful blessing.
God is working in me and I hope to be a truly transformed person. I know that it takes time, but i'm already noticing changes in myself. Also, I have this problem of being overly observant. I notice what people look like, wear, act, say... it's bad... I notice everything. Because I notice these things many times I point them out to my friends and crack a joke. Praise God for my friends who tell me to shut up and be nice because there are times when I don't even think I'm doing anything wrong!
I also believe that God is changing me because I was challenged in class to pray this prayer, "Lord be ruthless with me in revealing my selfish ambition and my lack of willingness to die to myself." I've been praying this prayer daily and although it is hard to be refined by God it is wonderful to know that I am being made new.
There has also been another helpful thought that i can not get out of my head. 1 Corinthians 13. Francis Chan writes in his book "Crazy Love" to replace "love" with your name and read the text. Am i these things?
Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
To some degree I hold a few of these qualities but not all of them. In these verses all I see is Jesus. He is all of these things and I desire to be like him. I can't get these characteristics and qualities out of my mind. When I think about someone I say, "Kinsey is not rude" or "Kinsey does not envy" and "Kinsey is patient"... I've been quiet for a few days and i'm glad. It's time for a change... a transformation.
I'll leave you with a quote from Mother Teresa.
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echos are truly endless."
- Kinsey
P.S. I have an interview with John Brown on Monday. If you think about it, say a little prayer for me. If I get the job it pays for my tuition and it would be a really wonderful blessing.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Silence is Golden
"We need silence to be alone with God, to speak to him, to listen to him, to ponder his words deep in our hearts. We need to be alone with God in silence to be renewed and transformed. Silence give us a new outlook on life. In it we are filled with the energy of God himself that makes us do all things with joy."
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A little thing called Love...
As most of you know (and should know) Valentines day is approaching. Generally speaking I hate Valentines day. Mostly because I'm jealous of everyone who is in love. I know it's wrong but it's the truth. Anyway, I remembered that i must remain faithful to my series of blog postings about Mother Teresa and her quotes. I was really hoping for something different but somehow (fate?) Mother Teresa's quote fits perfectly in with the month of February.
She says, "Love is like a fruit in season at all times. Love can warm three winter months."
At first glance i didn't really understand what Mother T was saying. Can warm three months? What does that mean? And while I attempt to think this late at night the only vision in my mind are the homeless men who stand on 7th street in Joplin begging. Which brings me to another thought. These last few days it has been brutally cold. As I was walking down to my dorm my friend said, "Gosh, it must suck to be homeless" I replied, "EW don't say that" because I honestly couldn't hold the thought in my mind. I didn't want to imagine people sleeping in the cold and having no place to call home.
So what does love have to do with these thoughts? Well, I'm not exactly sure. But I do know that Mother Teresa reached out to the poorest of the poor. And I know that there are a lot of homeless ministries in Joplin and the winter months are some of the hardest so the next time I have an extra few bucks maybe I can buy a blanket or donate to these ministries and help keep someone warm.
Here is an additional thought. Love is like a fruit in season at all times. When you spread love not only do you continue to love others but those people continue to love others and it's like this big seed that started out small and with one apple and turned into an orchard.
What do you think about this quote?
She says, "Love is like a fruit in season at all times. Love can warm three winter months."
At first glance i didn't really understand what Mother T was saying. Can warm three months? What does that mean? And while I attempt to think this late at night the only vision in my mind are the homeless men who stand on 7th street in Joplin begging. Which brings me to another thought. These last few days it has been brutally cold. As I was walking down to my dorm my friend said, "Gosh, it must suck to be homeless" I replied, "EW don't say that" because I honestly couldn't hold the thought in my mind. I didn't want to imagine people sleeping in the cold and having no place to call home.
So what does love have to do with these thoughts? Well, I'm not exactly sure. But I do know that Mother Teresa reached out to the poorest of the poor. And I know that there are a lot of homeless ministries in Joplin and the winter months are some of the hardest so the next time I have an extra few bucks maybe I can buy a blanket or donate to these ministries and help keep someone warm.
Here is an additional thought. Love is like a fruit in season at all times. When you spread love not only do you continue to love others but those people continue to love others and it's like this big seed that started out small and with one apple and turned into an orchard.
What do you think about this quote?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Prayer Request
Dear Friends,
My wonderful friend Andrew Temm's 1 month old niece passed away today. If you would please say a prayer for his family, I know that they need it.
Thank you for being a faithful community of believers who trust God.
My wonderful friend Andrew Temm's 1 month old niece passed away today. If you would please say a prayer for his family, I know that they need it.
Thank you for being a faithful community of believers who trust God.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Mother Teresa
I'm starting my first blog series. My blog series will be a reflection on the sayings of Mother Teresa. Recently I received a book called "The little book of Mother Teresa" by Sangeet Duchane. I have always had a fascination with Mother Teresa and the work that she did for the Lord and finally I have a book on her. Mother Teresa's dedication to God is inspiring and encouraging, she is my modern day hero.
This little book on her life has pictures and brief memories of how she became who she was. With each new chapter there is a saying and thus my reflection on her words.
The first of the series reads:
"It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home, for this is where our love for each other must start."
As I read this my first thought was, "Oh I'm skipping this one..." And then the conviction came upon me and I realized why I wanted to skip this quote. It is all to easy to ignore the ones who live with us. I have two instances because I live in two places. I have my home in Joplin and my home in Oklahoma.
I have had a great home life. My parents have been married for 30 years and I was raised with morals and unconditional love. However, my brother Jacob and I have never really seen eye to eye. We have nothing in common and he is quiet. When he does talk it's about cars (to which I have no knowledge on). My brother was married when he was 21 and his wife and I do not get along. Well in the beginning at least. I was so mean to her. She was raised differently and she is pretty quiet herself and well, we just didn't "hit it off". These are the people that are hard for me to love. Why? Why is it hard for me to love my brother? If I can't love my own biological brother then how am I going to love others? I treat my friends and even strangers better than I treat my own family. THIS IS EMBARRASSING. But it's time for me to be called out! I have to confess, repent, and ask for forgiveness. I must bring love into my home. If I am not faithful in loving my family then I cannot be faithful to other people! I must love the unlovely, even if, it's my own brother.
This goes much further than love for me. It goes to me being a selfish, self-righteous, brat. I think that God really wanted me to be humbled by this and made aware of who I actually am towards my brother. I am not better than my brother. We are different but it's time to embrace it! Maybe learn about what he likes and call him once every couple of weeks. It's time to dive into a relationship with my family. It's time to embrace and love them in my own home.
I hope that you don't struggle with this. But I've looked at people's families and I've noticed that in most families there is always an outcast... someone who doesn't quite fit in. Look at your own life. Look at your family or the people you live with. Evaluate. Do you have love in your home?
This little book on her life has pictures and brief memories of how she became who she was. With each new chapter there is a saying and thus my reflection on her words.
The first of the series reads:
"It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home, for this is where our love for each other must start."
As I read this my first thought was, "Oh I'm skipping this one..." And then the conviction came upon me and I realized why I wanted to skip this quote. It is all to easy to ignore the ones who live with us. I have two instances because I live in two places. I have my home in Joplin and my home in Oklahoma.
I have had a great home life. My parents have been married for 30 years and I was raised with morals and unconditional love. However, my brother Jacob and I have never really seen eye to eye. We have nothing in common and he is quiet. When he does talk it's about cars (to which I have no knowledge on). My brother was married when he was 21 and his wife and I do not get along. Well in the beginning at least. I was so mean to her. She was raised differently and she is pretty quiet herself and well, we just didn't "hit it off". These are the people that are hard for me to love. Why? Why is it hard for me to love my brother? If I can't love my own biological brother then how am I going to love others? I treat my friends and even strangers better than I treat my own family. THIS IS EMBARRASSING. But it's time for me to be called out! I have to confess, repent, and ask for forgiveness. I must bring love into my home. If I am not faithful in loving my family then I cannot be faithful to other people! I must love the unlovely, even if, it's my own brother.
This goes much further than love for me. It goes to me being a selfish, self-righteous, brat. I think that God really wanted me to be humbled by this and made aware of who I actually am towards my brother. I am not better than my brother. We are different but it's time to embrace it! Maybe learn about what he likes and call him once every couple of weeks. It's time to dive into a relationship with my family. It's time to embrace and love them in my own home.
I hope that you don't struggle with this. But I've looked at people's families and I've noticed that in most families there is always an outcast... someone who doesn't quite fit in. Look at your own life. Look at your family or the people you live with. Evaluate. Do you have love in your home?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
love hurts
Today i miss my orphan babies. Some days seem unbearable. It seems like I never stop thinking about them. I wonder how they feel, what they look like, what they are learning, what their new favorite phrase is, what adventure they are going on, and if they've been matched. I miss seeing their little faces light up when they get an album of their new family. I miss the joy that they brought me and the unconditional love that they gave me. I miss China. I miss my China babies. Sometimes I ask God why I don't feel called there... I ask him why? Why is my heart there but it's just not... right. And then I remember to but my trust and fear in Him and to believe that I have another plan. But I do know, that one day, I'll have my own little Asian baby. If anything, God brought me to China to show me that one day I'll adopt as many children as I can because they all deserve a home and love.
Love hurts. But it's worth it.
Love hurts. But it's worth it.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Devastation in Haiti
Dear friends,
It is our responsibility to stand in the gap for our brothers and sisters in haiti. Please pray for them. I can only imagine the turmoil and pain they are going through. Not only was Haiti a rough place to live in on a normal day but I can only imagine what it's like with everything destroyed. I am fearful and confused but I know that God is with his children. I look at the news and can hardly open my eyes. How will anything be fixed? How will people survive? It is not my part to question, it is my part to pray, so please, please, pray for haiti. There are tons and tons of orphanages and missionaries and Christians in haiti. Don't forget about them in a few days, write them on your hand and pray... unceasingly that God will intervene.
Kinsey
It is our responsibility to stand in the gap for our brothers and sisters in haiti. Please pray for them. I can only imagine the turmoil and pain they are going through. Not only was Haiti a rough place to live in on a normal day but I can only imagine what it's like with everything destroyed. I am fearful and confused but I know that God is with his children. I look at the news and can hardly open my eyes. How will anything be fixed? How will people survive? It is not my part to question, it is my part to pray, so please, please, pray for haiti. There are tons and tons of orphanages and missionaries and Christians in haiti. Don't forget about them in a few days, write them on your hand and pray... unceasingly that God will intervene.
Kinsey
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sheep
Let the struggles begin. It seems that these past few weeks have been extremely hard. I have not been a "good girl," not that being good matters but my attitude and actions have not been Christ like. I also haven't been disciplined in reading the Word and praying. It always seems to go hand in hand, struggles and no motivation to follow. Once again I've been a stray little sheep lagging in the back of the flock. Luckily God's been in the back with his staff guiding me and gently hitting me with the staff to get back in line.
I wrote about the sermon called "one thing" and how I was going to pray about what one thing I needed from God this year. Well I think he's been telling me all week. The one thing I need from God this year is for HIM to be enough. I need to be satisfied and content in the Lord. I also need to acknowledge God's faithfulness and power. He is so powerful, i must remember this. I'm not too surprised that I need to ask God to be enough. I always seem to put things in front of him... and i hate that I do it! I want to know his Word and who he is, so this year I have the hope that God is going to teach me satisfaction and contentment in him. This is probably almost guaranteeing that I won't be getting married anytime soon (haha). Doug Welch said in a sermon at Ozark, "If the ache of your life is only a shadow, you've created an idol" This really hit home with me because too often I complain about my singleness and my loneliness and I put "relationship" on the pedestal and think "if only..." Luckily Doug opened my eyes to the fact that I had created an idol! I had no idea and it felt good to be convicted.
I can only imagine what the next months have in store for me. When you want to change usually it comes with pain and hardships, being refined in the fire is not a comfortable process but if I want to become like silver I have to go through the fire. So I hope you look forward to praying for me, I'm certainly going to need it!
Blessings,
Kinsey
I wrote about the sermon called "one thing" and how I was going to pray about what one thing I needed from God this year. Well I think he's been telling me all week. The one thing I need from God this year is for HIM to be enough. I need to be satisfied and content in the Lord. I also need to acknowledge God's faithfulness and power. He is so powerful, i must remember this. I'm not too surprised that I need to ask God to be enough. I always seem to put things in front of him... and i hate that I do it! I want to know his Word and who he is, so this year I have the hope that God is going to teach me satisfaction and contentment in him. This is probably almost guaranteeing that I won't be getting married anytime soon (haha). Doug Welch said in a sermon at Ozark, "If the ache of your life is only a shadow, you've created an idol" This really hit home with me because too often I complain about my singleness and my loneliness and I put "relationship" on the pedestal and think "if only..." Luckily Doug opened my eyes to the fact that I had created an idol! I had no idea and it felt good to be convicted.
I can only imagine what the next months have in store for me. When you want to change usually it comes with pain and hardships, being refined in the fire is not a comfortable process but if I want to become like silver I have to go through the fire. So I hope you look forward to praying for me, I'm certainly going to need it!
Blessings,
Kinsey
Monday, January 11, 2010
A few pictures from my 22 Birthday Celebration
Celebrating at Agave my favorite Mexican Restaurant.
April, Me, and Jovy
Lindsey, Me, and Korri on our way to the Moolah Theater where we watched "Up in the Sky" and sat in leather couches!!!
Ben and I had a challenging time getting a good picture so I'll put up my favorite.
Anyways, I had such a wonderful time celebrating my birthday all week long! It was so fun to watch my worlds collide as I spent time with my friends. I was able to introduce my best friends to my mentor and all of them to my friend I worked with in China. Life is good.
Hopefully I'll have something inspiring to say in a few days,
Blessings.
Celebrating at Agave my favorite Mexican Restaurant.
April, Me, and Jovy
Lindsey, Me, and Korri on our way to the Moolah Theater where we watched "Up in the Sky" and sat in leather couches!!!
Ben and I had a challenging time getting a good picture so I'll put up my favorite.
Anyways, I had such a wonderful time celebrating my birthday all week long! It was so fun to watch my worlds collide as I spent time with my friends. I was able to introduce my best friends to my mentor and all of them to my friend I worked with in China. Life is good.
Hopefully I'll have something inspiring to say in a few days,
Blessings.
Monday, January 4, 2010
XXI , year of the Ox
I was born in 1988, year of the dragon. My mom and dad have told me that when I was born it was snowing. I looked it up online. It snowed 12.1 inches the day I was born (Oklahoma City). What's funny is I really do not like snow, unless I'm with friends and I have a big hill and an awesome sled. 21 years have past and I like to think back of all the memories but it's impossible. I can't wait until i'm in heaven and I don't have to worry about memory loss and I'll be able to think about all the memories in my lifetime.
So time for another evaluation of the years past. Luckily for me my mom documented "great" moments in my life such as when I walked, the first words, etc... I won't bore you with those. I already bored you yesterday with brief moments of the year so I'm not going to go down that path.
However, I am very curious to see what is going to happen with my life. Graduation is 5 months away. It's absolutely terrifying typing that out. I have a few ideas of what I want to do but I know a lot of rejection is going to come my way. I'm going to apply for a lot of jobs, even jobs that are out of my league but I'm trusting that God will provide for me and everything will work out. It's going to be exciting to see how everything turns out and to "start" a new "phase" in my life. I'm totally pumped about grad school, I'm not however, totally pumped about the possibility of moving back in with my parents but we'll take it one step at a time.
Maybe now that i'm out of Ozark and officially not a college student but a "grad student" I'll meet someone. Someone once told me (Charlie Landis) that you are more appealing and more dateable when you're not in college and sometimes even irresistible ... (I might have added the last part :) ) I have hope that "mr. right" is out there waiting for me, but for now I'll be patient and content....
And now for another list, a list of things that happened while being 21.
1. I turned 21 in New York City, Celebrating with a shot of espresso
2. I went to Florida with my friends Korri and Chelsea for Spring break and chilled in a retirement community (blast!!!)
3. I said goodbye to a ton of graduating friends.
4. I raised $5000 to go to China.
5. I went to China and worked at New Day, and it inevitably changed my life.
a. Met Katie and Amanda from Manhattan Christian College and they began family to me
b. Met Jovy, Jamie, Caroline, and many others in China and have made friends with them for a lifetime
c. Perfected the use of a squatty potty.
d. Went to the beach in China... with Chinese friends and had many many memories--- funny and terrifying
e. Learned a little bit of Chinese, can use chopsticks, and eat rice like no bodies business.
f. Consider myself a "mother" to the orphans and feel responsible for their rescue.
6. I came back from China...
7. I started my senior year
8. I quit Gymboree and starting working at a Daycare
9. I started volunteering at church in the Pre Teen Youth group
10. I was accepted into John Brown's Graduate Program.
I'm excited for XXII year 22. I'm praying for God's blessing and guidance during a changing time.
Love,
Kinsey
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Good Intentions verse God Intentions
The New Year always brings peace. It's the start of a new beginning a new year and a new time to set forth goals to become someone you want to be and to but aside who you were. I've been thinking about New Years Resolutions and i have a few.... At least I have a few things that i would like to happen but just happen to be out of my control (example: going to JBU for Free and well the obvious a relationship).
At church today (lifechurch.tv) I listened to Craig Groshell and was really inspired to have "God Intentions" not just "good intentions." His main question throughout the sermon was, "What do you want from God?" If i could have one thing from God what would it be. I have to answer this question and then center my prayers around it. Some people might wish for a friend to be saved, contentment, restored marriage, freedom from addictions, and the list goes on. I haven't decided what I want from God. I don't know what my "God intention" should be. Over the next few days I'm going to be praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit and analyzing what God might want me to have from Him.
Another question that Craig had was "What do you lack?" My thought was "so so much". I'm also going to be praying about an awareness of what i'm lacking. Currently I feel like I'm living in disappointment and sin. I hate the struggles that i'm going through right now. But hey, it's time for a change... right?
The third question was "What do you need to let go?" I also do not have an answer for this one. I thought I think i've forgiven everyone... But i'm sure there is something hiding from me trying not to escape the clench of my fist.
So 2010 should be an interesting year. I'll let you know what my answers are to the questions. But if you want to answer them yourself I think it would benefit you to listen to Craig's sermon on www.lifechurch.tv the sermon is called "One Thing".
I've also been thinking, should I reflect on the year past? well sure.
My favorite and most meaningful memories
1. My trip to New York City - Class with Gordon Venturella, Exegeting the American City
2. My summer internship at New Day Foster Home. Probably the best time of my life. It was extremely hard but God taught me so much about his faithfulness and unconditional love. Part of my heart is still in Beijing...
3. Senior year!!!!! woot woot!!!! Sad to go but i'm ready.
Shout out to my friends
1. Korri Lee Sears -- My right arm. Always there for me in everything, even my most dramatic moments
2. Chelsea Combs -- My starbucks buddy and crazy friend.
3. Morgan Weece -- My breakfast buddy who wakes me up in the morning.
4. Lindsey Doolittle -- My boss and friend...keeps the income flowing.
5. Molly Kruse -- My purple loving friend who allows me to love pink and not be ashamed.
6. Jess Moore -- My Honorary roomate.
7. Brady Roberts -- My friend who lives in Kansas and who I miss a lot.
8. Charlie Landis -- My card playing, awkward, deep conversations, share everything in life friend.
9. David Heffren -- My card playing friend when homework is not in the way....
10. Andrew Temm -- My "I've got an awesome apartment" and can make good spaghetti friend.
11. David Anderson -- My Asia loving friend
12. Ben Anderson -- My love hate relationship friend
13.Joseph Lang -- My reliable/always at pre teen friend
14. April Fillman -- My second mother and brings me so much laughter friend.
15. Karen Feiock Smith -- My married her high school sweetheart and we've been through so much together friend
16. Alicia Jacobsen -- My crazy best friend since 3rd grade.
17. Tracy Smith -- My Arkansas cutest accent and loving heart/always there for you friend.
18. Camille Conely - My Alumni/don't let stereotypes get us down friend.
19. Caitlyn Lippett -- My funny/i understand your craziness friend.
This turned into a long list... I think the title should now be called "I thankful for these..."
Well, this is all I can think of right now.
p.s. after the 3rd picture I got sick of trying to upload and such... sorry, but you can search through facebook if you need picture to picture detail :)
peace and love,
Kinsey
At church today (lifechurch.tv) I listened to Craig Groshell and was really inspired to have "God Intentions" not just "good intentions." His main question throughout the sermon was, "What do you want from God?" If i could have one thing from God what would it be. I have to answer this question and then center my prayers around it. Some people might wish for a friend to be saved, contentment, restored marriage, freedom from addictions, and the list goes on. I haven't decided what I want from God. I don't know what my "God intention" should be. Over the next few days I'm going to be praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit and analyzing what God might want me to have from Him.
Another question that Craig had was "What do you lack?" My thought was "so so much". I'm also going to be praying about an awareness of what i'm lacking. Currently I feel like I'm living in disappointment and sin. I hate the struggles that i'm going through right now. But hey, it's time for a change... right?
The third question was "What do you need to let go?" I also do not have an answer for this one. I thought I think i've forgiven everyone... But i'm sure there is something hiding from me trying not to escape the clench of my fist.
So 2010 should be an interesting year. I'll let you know what my answers are to the questions. But if you want to answer them yourself I think it would benefit you to listen to Craig's sermon on www.lifechurch.tv the sermon is called "One Thing".
I've also been thinking, should I reflect on the year past? well sure.
My favorite and most meaningful memories
1. My trip to New York City - Class with Gordon Venturella, Exegeting the American City
2. My summer internship at New Day Foster Home. Probably the best time of my life. It was extremely hard but God taught me so much about his faithfulness and unconditional love. Part of my heart is still in Beijing...
3. Senior year!!!!! woot woot!!!! Sad to go but i'm ready.
Shout out to my friends
1. Korri Lee Sears -- My right arm. Always there for me in everything, even my most dramatic moments
2. Chelsea Combs -- My starbucks buddy and crazy friend.
3. Morgan Weece -- My breakfast buddy who wakes me up in the morning.
4. Lindsey Doolittle -- My boss and friend...keeps the income flowing.
5. Molly Kruse -- My purple loving friend who allows me to love pink and not be ashamed.
6. Jess Moore -- My Honorary roomate.
7. Brady Roberts -- My friend who lives in Kansas and who I miss a lot.
8. Charlie Landis -- My card playing, awkward, deep conversations, share everything in life friend.
9. David Heffren -- My card playing friend when homework is not in the way....
10. Andrew Temm -- My "I've got an awesome apartment" and can make good spaghetti friend.
11. David Anderson -- My Asia loving friend
12. Ben Anderson -- My love hate relationship friend
13.Joseph Lang -- My reliable/always at pre teen friend
14. April Fillman -- My second mother and brings me so much laughter friend.
15. Karen Feiock Smith -- My married her high school sweetheart and we've been through so much together friend
16. Alicia Jacobsen -- My crazy best friend since 3rd grade.
17. Tracy Smith -- My Arkansas cutest accent and loving heart/always there for you friend.
18. Camille Conely - My Alumni/don't let stereotypes get us down friend.
19. Caitlyn Lippett -- My funny/i understand your craziness friend.
This turned into a long list... I think the title should now be called "I thankful for these..."
Well, this is all I can think of right now.
p.s. after the 3rd picture I got sick of trying to upload and such... sorry, but you can search through facebook if you need picture to picture detail :)
peace and love,
Kinsey
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