A pain filled love...

"There is so much love in us all, but often we are too shy to express our love, and keep it bottled up inside us. We must learn to love, to love until it hurts, and we will know how to accept love." - Mother Teresa

Personally I absolutely love this quote. The reader could take this quote and put it into the context of their life and they could apply it to a romantic love or a paternal love or a platonic love. However, I wanted to share with you the first thing that came to mind when I read this quote.

When I was in China I learned something that I honestly was blinded from. Most people understand that there are many orphans in the world, especially in China. And there are a lot of presuppositions about orphans in China. Most people think that chinese orphans are girls because the people only want boys. Well this might be partially true but many children are orphaned because they have a physical defect of some kind. Now, this sounds cruel to abandon your child because they have a physical defect but in reality many times there are no other options. Heath care is China is difficult. If you don't have the money, you don't get the care. It doesn't matter if you are holding a dyeing child in your arms if you don't have all of the money you don't get help.

So, when I was in China I met a little girl named Elizabeth. She was 8 years old at the time and just about the most precious thing you've ever seen. At the foster home it was pretty rare to have such an "old" child but she had just recently been taken to the foster home. Elizabeth was abandoned when she was 8 years old. She was found in a park, blue and dyeing from a heart defect. It's hard to think about an 8 year old being abandoned. She knows who her parents are, she knows there faces, their names.... When I was told about this story my heart was struck and I thought "how could anyone abandon their child at the age of 8!" Later, someone explained to me that abandoning Elizabeth was an act of love by her parents. They knew that Elizabeth was dyeing and they knew that they couldn't afford to get her the heart surgery she so desperately needed, so they left her with faith that someone would take her and help her and care for her so that she might have the chance at life. In my mind I can only imagine the thoughts of the mother who left Elizabeth. The decision to let her go just for the chance that she might have a better life is unimaginable and selfless. I cannot imagine the conversation and explanation to Elizabeth that she was going to have to wait for someone to help her. And the most haunting thought is the screams. Can you hear the screams of Elizabeth as she watches her parents turn their backs on her? I can only imagine the tear streamed faces of her parents. The story haunts me but it also shows me the faithfulness and true love of her parents. It was the last thing they could do to save their daughter a sacrifice that they might regret and the knowledge of never knowing what happened to their precious daughter.

The story of Elizabeth reminds me of Jesus. Can you imagine the screams and tears of Mary? She knew from the beginning that God had special plans for Jesus but can you imagine watching your child (and savior) walk to his death? God sacrificed his Son so that we might have life, much like Elizabeth's parents sacrificed having a daughter so that she might have life.

The story of elizabeth gave me a much deeper and personal recognition of Jesus' death. I've always understood the importance of it but something just clicked in me when I was able to relate it...

So, think about what Mother Teresa says. Who do you think of? Do you think of the old woman that sits by you at church? Do you think about the 10th grader who likes to tell you bad jokes? Do you think about the 5th grader who is socially awkward? Do you think of the little boy who likes to play "horse" with you? Do you think of a special someone who you wish you could breathe around? Do you think about your sister or brother who you haven't spoken to in 2 months? Who do you think of? Love is uncomfortable. Being vulnerable is not a fun thing to do because you either get rejected or accepted. Now, vulnerability is a blast when you are accepted but it sure does stink when the rejection slaps you in the face. But Love, it's worth it. All kinds of love, they are worth the pain because there is also joy in it. I mean Jesus didn't walk to his death thinking everyone would accept him. He walked with the cross knowing that he would be rejected and he found strength that if even just one accepted him that his sacrifice was worth it.

Praise God for his unconditional Love.


This is my love. Debra. It hurts to be attached to a little girl who will be adopted by someone else but for one summer I was her "ayi" (aunt) and I love her with everything in me, and well it was worth it.


peace and LOVE,

Kinsey