Came home today. By home I mean, HOME! I'm in Oklahoma for the Thanksgiving holiday and my heart could not be filled with more joy.
I walked off the airplane, through the terminal, and saw familiarity and my momma. Tears welled up in my eyes and I was so happy to be home.
I've come to a realization. I don't like Maryland. This sentence is more complex than it appears. I don't like Maryland. What I do like about Maryland: My job, the scenery, co-workers, my 3 friends. My realization is that I do not like Maryland because when I'm in Maryland I cannot escape loneliness. Loneliness never leaves me (so how am I lonely it it never leaves me alone?), I do not have any emotional connection with Maryland and to be honest I'm ready to come home. The only thing that continues to drive me forward is the fact that I'm learning. I'm learning so much, but is that enough? I don't know how long I'll last. I guess this is another lesson from God about perseverance and faith. I have to last. I want to last.
Please pray for me if you think about it. Come next tuesday I'm going to be very sad, possibly bitter, and not ready to go "home." (I shutter to even call Maryland home...)
What does the Lord have in store for me next? It really doesn't matter, I need to focus on today because today has enough worries of it's own...
- Kinsey
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
friends are friends forever...
Have you heard the really old song, "friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..."? Well I LOVED that song when I was a little girl. I remember singing it to my best friends Kara and Kristen (twins), I LOVED this song. I'm not sure how I can express how much I loved this song. Now, I kinda make fun of it but you better believe I know every word.
So Why am I talking about this song? Because at this "place" in my life right now I am realizing how important friendships are, how important community is, and how difficult it is to come by. Transitioning from Ozark to Maryland hasn't only been difficult because I'm so far from home, but it has been difficult because I no longer live with 30 other girls, eat with 100 people, or "work (aka school)" with 600 other "kids" my age. I no longer have the tangible community and friends that I so dearly thrived on and well, loved.
I've made a few friends out here. But it's definitely been difficult. I'm so blessed with the friendships I've made and I can totally see that they are God ordained. However, I can't help but think of my friends in Joplin and Oklahoma and well others who are scattered across the world.
I know I'm setting a few roots here and I'm sure when I leave that it's going to be really hard to pull those up and move to the next place God has in store for me. But right now, I feel like one of those over grown viney plants that can't really seem to find a home.
My prayer is this, "Lord, please let me settle somewhere next year, I don't think I can be a nomad any more..." I'm not exactly sure what God has in store for me but I do know this, God is changing me and refining me and I'm glad. He is preparing me to be a leader and he is reassuring me every day that I'm doing his will.
All this to say, I really wish that I could do ministry with my friends but I know that God has to spread us out all over to, well, get stuff done. So I take comfort in what my favorite song says, "Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..." I'm not saying I'll never see my friends again because I've graduated college but I do think in Heaven there's going to be one fabulous reunion.
So my dear friends, I miss you. I'm not sure when I'll see you but know that I think about you daily, pray for you, and wish you success, hope, and a friendship that lasts a forever (literally).
Love,
Kinsey
Just wanted to say, "Hay!"
So Why am I talking about this song? Because at this "place" in my life right now I am realizing how important friendships are, how important community is, and how difficult it is to come by. Transitioning from Ozark to Maryland hasn't only been difficult because I'm so far from home, but it has been difficult because I no longer live with 30 other girls, eat with 100 people, or "work (aka school)" with 600 other "kids" my age. I no longer have the tangible community and friends that I so dearly thrived on and well, loved.
I've made a few friends out here. But it's definitely been difficult. I'm so blessed with the friendships I've made and I can totally see that they are God ordained. However, I can't help but think of my friends in Joplin and Oklahoma and well others who are scattered across the world.
I know I'm setting a few roots here and I'm sure when I leave that it's going to be really hard to pull those up and move to the next place God has in store for me. But right now, I feel like one of those over grown viney plants that can't really seem to find a home.
My prayer is this, "Lord, please let me settle somewhere next year, I don't think I can be a nomad any more..." I'm not exactly sure what God has in store for me but I do know this, God is changing me and refining me and I'm glad. He is preparing me to be a leader and he is reassuring me every day that I'm doing his will.
All this to say, I really wish that I could do ministry with my friends but I know that God has to spread us out all over to, well, get stuff done. So I take comfort in what my favorite song says, "Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..." I'm not saying I'll never see my friends again because I've graduated college but I do think in Heaven there's going to be one fabulous reunion.
So my dear friends, I miss you. I'm not sure when I'll see you but know that I think about you daily, pray for you, and wish you success, hope, and a friendship that lasts a forever (literally).
Love,
Kinsey
Just wanted to say, "Hay!"
Thursday, September 30, 2010
A new kind of me...
I've been in Maryland for 3 weeks now. Time sure has flown by! I'm still discovering the town, city, and well east coast. Most days I get lost if I try and explore and sometimes I get lost on my way to work. I wish i wasn't so geographically and directionally challenged. The family I live with have some of the kindest hearts i have ever met. They love missions and the church and they are big volunteers! Obviously this family is well loved in the church.
My job is crazy. I still haven't figured everything out but it all comes with time. Mountain (the church i work out) is going to be a wonderful learning opportunity for me. The staff and members are absolutely wonderful. Community is key here at this church.
I'm immersing myself in the "culture" of Maryland and the church staff life. I never knew how much responsibility i signed up for when choosing to go into ministry. I had no idea that people are always looking at me and that appearance really does matter when you are in a ministry position. You must always look pure and not allow people to "assume." My mind set has completely changed from being selfish to being focused on the mission of the church.
It may seem that my life here in MD is just peachy and perfect, however, it does come with heartache, homesickness, and humility. I used to be so independent. I didn't have to rely on any one for directions or guidance... I did everything myself. Now I have to get step by step directions, hugs from strangers, and counsel for my spirit that seems to be in the refining process.
My friend was talking to me the other day on chat and he asked me what I was struggling with, my answer was the whole transition from being in college and moving to Maryland. Tresor responded to me with this:
"Transitions are our training ground for our calling, it's where we learn the difference between being called and being driven. It is the time we are refined for what we are truly called to."
These words that Tresor told me really spoke to my soul. They have been my prayer the last few days. I really do find that God is refining me and molding me into the woman that he wants me to be today, tomorrow, and in years to come. Needless to say, I think that after a year I am going to be a completely new person. I'm excited for the journey that God is leading me on and I can't wait for the doors that are awaiting my arrival.
Blessings,
Kinsey
"Maryland Me"
My job is crazy. I still haven't figured everything out but it all comes with time. Mountain (the church i work out) is going to be a wonderful learning opportunity for me. The staff and members are absolutely wonderful. Community is key here at this church.
I'm immersing myself in the "culture" of Maryland and the church staff life. I never knew how much responsibility i signed up for when choosing to go into ministry. I had no idea that people are always looking at me and that appearance really does matter when you are in a ministry position. You must always look pure and not allow people to "assume." My mind set has completely changed from being selfish to being focused on the mission of the church.
It may seem that my life here in MD is just peachy and perfect, however, it does come with heartache, homesickness, and humility. I used to be so independent. I didn't have to rely on any one for directions or guidance... I did everything myself. Now I have to get step by step directions, hugs from strangers, and counsel for my spirit that seems to be in the refining process.
My friend was talking to me the other day on chat and he asked me what I was struggling with, my answer was the whole transition from being in college and moving to Maryland. Tresor responded to me with this:
"Transitions are our training ground for our calling, it's where we learn the difference between being called and being driven. It is the time we are refined for what we are truly called to."
These words that Tresor told me really spoke to my soul. They have been my prayer the last few days. I really do find that God is refining me and molding me into the woman that he wants me to be today, tomorrow, and in years to come. Needless to say, I think that after a year I am going to be a completely new person. I'm excited for the journey that God is leading me on and I can't wait for the doors that are awaiting my arrival.
Blessings,
Kinsey
"Maryland Me"
Sunday, September 5, 2010
On the move
Well folks, I've leaving for Maryland in the morning. I should be arriving on Wednesday in the early afternoon. I'll update you in about a week how everything is going. Please pray for me as I transition into this season of life.
Blessings,
Kinsey
Blessings,
Kinsey
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Priorities
Last week I was given the best advice. Do to the amount of encouragement it gave me, I desperately wanted to share it with you. This advice may not come to a surprise to you but for me it was a revelation that I had not given enough thought.
Matthew 22:37 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
I think maybe my whole life I have looked at this verse with blind eyes. It just hasn't been clear to me what loving God means. My mentor Karen told me that as long as i remember that loving God is my first priority I will stand firm and not fall away. We began talking about this and she asked me what my priorities were and naturally I said, "God and what i do for Him..." Karen quickly told me that What I do for God is not as important as having an intimate relationship with God. I can do a lot of things for God but none of it matters unless I love Him and allow him to have my whole life completely and wholly.
It has been so easy for me to think that my relationship with God is right because I am constantly working in the church and surrounded by religion and good needs. However, I have come to the realization that while this is important, my relationship with God should be above all else! I can't just cook and clean and serve all the time. God doesn't just want that. He wants me. He wants to hold me under his wings and hear about what gives me joy and comfort and peace and what breaks my heart and hurts me. God wants my heart, my soul, my mind.
Many times I wonder why so many people in the ministry fall away. The reason is because they become so busy with doing "godly work" that they forget to cultivate their relationship with God and slowly but surely the ground they stand on is no longer rock but sand.
We all have the ability to fall. This is so scary to me. However, I know that if I continually have an intimate relationship with the Lord he will keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. This is not only my prayer for myself but also for you. I hope this brings you revelation and encourage like it did me.
Matthew 22:37 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
I think maybe my whole life I have looked at this verse with blind eyes. It just hasn't been clear to me what loving God means. My mentor Karen told me that as long as i remember that loving God is my first priority I will stand firm and not fall away. We began talking about this and she asked me what my priorities were and naturally I said, "God and what i do for Him..." Karen quickly told me that What I do for God is not as important as having an intimate relationship with God. I can do a lot of things for God but none of it matters unless I love Him and allow him to have my whole life completely and wholly.
It has been so easy for me to think that my relationship with God is right because I am constantly working in the church and surrounded by religion and good needs. However, I have come to the realization that while this is important, my relationship with God should be above all else! I can't just cook and clean and serve all the time. God doesn't just want that. He wants me. He wants to hold me under his wings and hear about what gives me joy and comfort and peace and what breaks my heart and hurts me. God wants my heart, my soul, my mind.
Many times I wonder why so many people in the ministry fall away. The reason is because they become so busy with doing "godly work" that they forget to cultivate their relationship with God and slowly but surely the ground they stand on is no longer rock but sand.
We all have the ability to fall. This is so scary to me. However, I know that if I continually have an intimate relationship with the Lord he will keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. This is not only my prayer for myself but also for you. I hope this brings you revelation and encourage like it did me.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Michael
I just came from a visitation. My brother's brother in law passed away this week. There is something about being in a room with a body that no longer breathes. I kept looking over expecting him to breathe but just his frame was still there... no soul, no life. In his casket was his favorite stuffed animal, a school bus model, and a fire truck. These were his prize possessions. Michael passed away on Tuesday.
If i take a step back and look at it from a different view, his death and the last days of his life were beautiful. On Monday Michael and my sister in law Teri spent the day together. She was his daytime caregiver because he suffered from a rare disease called "hunters." Teri fixed his favorite snack and they watched Ku Fu Panda together. Michael and Teri even talked about how, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is the present, that's why they call it a gift." They talked about how we aren't guaranteed another day and they made plans to take my niece on walks when the weather started to cool down.
Michael went to bed that night and passed away peacefully in his sleep. There was no warning, no signs, he was just gone. Later on Teri had been on his computer and saw that one of his last google searches was "What is Heaven like?" I truly believe that Michael new that he was ready to be with the Lord. Others were not ready to watch him leave this earth but he was ready to see his heavenly father and to be healed through and through. His life and his passing is a representation not only to me but to everyone who came into contact with him of a life blessed by God. We don't always understand why things happen but God worked good in his life and while some may say he died alone, I know that Jesus was with Michael ready to take him to home.
Rest in peace Michael, may you dance in the glory of the giver of life, the author of everything good.
Love,
Kinsey
If i take a step back and look at it from a different view, his death and the last days of his life were beautiful. On Monday Michael and my sister in law Teri spent the day together. She was his daytime caregiver because he suffered from a rare disease called "hunters." Teri fixed his favorite snack and they watched Ku Fu Panda together. Michael and Teri even talked about how, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is the present, that's why they call it a gift." They talked about how we aren't guaranteed another day and they made plans to take my niece on walks when the weather started to cool down.
Michael went to bed that night and passed away peacefully in his sleep. There was no warning, no signs, he was just gone. Later on Teri had been on his computer and saw that one of his last google searches was "What is Heaven like?" I truly believe that Michael new that he was ready to be with the Lord. Others were not ready to watch him leave this earth but he was ready to see his heavenly father and to be healed through and through. His life and his passing is a representation not only to me but to everyone who came into contact with him of a life blessed by God. We don't always understand why things happen but God worked good in his life and while some may say he died alone, I know that Jesus was with Michael ready to take him to home.
Rest in peace Michael, may you dance in the glory of the giver of life, the author of everything good.
Love,
Kinsey
Friday, July 23, 2010
welcome to my world...
Hey friends! Thanks for helping me name my Nissan Cube! I would proudly like to announce "Wilson, aka Willy Wonka" to the Cube family!
Woo hoo! i'm super excited about "Wilson" and all of the fun times to be had...
Woo hoo! i'm super excited about "Wilson" and all of the fun times to be had...
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