Just call me Aunt Kinsey!

I would like to officially welcome by baby niece Rachel Lynn McMillan to the world!

She was born this morning around 5am weighing in at 6lbs 5 oz, 20.5 inches long! She's extremely beautiful and I can't wait to meet her. It's an incredible feeling to have your siblings child enter the world. It's unlike anything i've ever felt. I'm so overwhelmed with joy and I'm so excited to be an Aunt!

LOUD AND CLEAR

I've been slightly annoyed as of late. It seems that every conversation i have with an acquaintance or underclassman goes like this:

person - "Kinsey, Are you ready to graduate?"
me- "No, actually I'm pretty sad, but it is exciting..."
person - "OMG, it's so exciting! What are you going to do with your life?"
me - "Well, I'm moving back home. I'm trying to get an internship but it isn't looking to promising..." (cue awkwardness...)

Wow, doesn't that conversation look depressing. Why am I not excited to graduate? Why is it that after 4 years of insanely hard work I'm sad, verging on depression, and crying at the drop of a hat?

In less than 2 weeks my life is going to change. My structure is going to be gone. I'll be going home to a community of weak believers and i'll be jobless. I'm completely dependent on my parents and vulnerable. I don't have a job, or any plans... and all i really want to do is be a summer bum, get tan, and hang out with my friends. However that is not going to happen. But let's start getting positive. This summer i'm going to read, learn, and pray. I'm going to search for where God is leading me and hopefully he'll be using me and guiding me. It's actually quite exciting. And hey, maybe i'll find a really cool job?? If i've learned anything it's that God is faithful...

I love my friends... A lot. My friends have become my family and I care for them deeply. We all have the same passions and desires and it's easy to talk, have fun, relax, and just be ourselves around each other. My friends are so incredibly wonderful. God has truly blessed me with the people who are in my life.

It's really going to suck saying goodbye. I am absolutely dreading it. Everything is going to change. Yes, friendships will still remain but it's going to be weird. I mean, next year half my friends could be engaged or married even. It's weird to think their lives will continue to move on without me being tangibly close to them. It also sucks because this is the last time I'll ever get to have this type of community... But you know what? I think life gets better.

My hope is that my friends will stay near and dear to the heart of Jesus, I can't wait to have a reunion with them in heaven... we're going to party like its... 2010.

Here come the infamous mother teresa quote section. I think this will be my "life quote" for the next year.

"God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try"

I love this. It forces me to step out of my comfort zone, trust God, and well... have an adventure.

A pain filled love...

"There is so much love in us all, but often we are too shy to express our love, and keep it bottled up inside us. We must learn to love, to love until it hurts, and we will know how to accept love." - Mother Teresa

Personally I absolutely love this quote. The reader could take this quote and put it into the context of their life and they could apply it to a romantic love or a paternal love or a platonic love. However, I wanted to share with you the first thing that came to mind when I read this quote.

When I was in China I learned something that I honestly was blinded from. Most people understand that there are many orphans in the world, especially in China. And there are a lot of presuppositions about orphans in China. Most people think that chinese orphans are girls because the people only want boys. Well this might be partially true but many children are orphaned because they have a physical defect of some kind. Now, this sounds cruel to abandon your child because they have a physical defect but in reality many times there are no other options. Heath care is China is difficult. If you don't have the money, you don't get the care. It doesn't matter if you are holding a dyeing child in your arms if you don't have all of the money you don't get help.

So, when I was in China I met a little girl named Elizabeth. She was 8 years old at the time and just about the most precious thing you've ever seen. At the foster home it was pretty rare to have such an "old" child but she had just recently been taken to the foster home. Elizabeth was abandoned when she was 8 years old. She was found in a park, blue and dyeing from a heart defect. It's hard to think about an 8 year old being abandoned. She knows who her parents are, she knows there faces, their names.... When I was told about this story my heart was struck and I thought "how could anyone abandon their child at the age of 8!" Later, someone explained to me that abandoning Elizabeth was an act of love by her parents. They knew that Elizabeth was dyeing and they knew that they couldn't afford to get her the heart surgery she so desperately needed, so they left her with faith that someone would take her and help her and care for her so that she might have the chance at life. In my mind I can only imagine the thoughts of the mother who left Elizabeth. The decision to let her go just for the chance that she might have a better life is unimaginable and selfless. I cannot imagine the conversation and explanation to Elizabeth that she was going to have to wait for someone to help her. And the most haunting thought is the screams. Can you hear the screams of Elizabeth as she watches her parents turn their backs on her? I can only imagine the tear streamed faces of her parents. The story haunts me but it also shows me the faithfulness and true love of her parents. It was the last thing they could do to save their daughter a sacrifice that they might regret and the knowledge of never knowing what happened to their precious daughter.

The story of Elizabeth reminds me of Jesus. Can you imagine the screams and tears of Mary? She knew from the beginning that God had special plans for Jesus but can you imagine watching your child (and savior) walk to his death? God sacrificed his Son so that we might have life, much like Elizabeth's parents sacrificed having a daughter so that she might have life.

The story of elizabeth gave me a much deeper and personal recognition of Jesus' death. I've always understood the importance of it but something just clicked in me when I was able to relate it...

So, think about what Mother Teresa says. Who do you think of? Do you think of the old woman that sits by you at church? Do you think about the 10th grader who likes to tell you bad jokes? Do you think about the 5th grader who is socially awkward? Do you think of the little boy who likes to play "horse" with you? Do you think of a special someone who you wish you could breathe around? Do you think about your sister or brother who you haven't spoken to in 2 months? Who do you think of? Love is uncomfortable. Being vulnerable is not a fun thing to do because you either get rejected or accepted. Now, vulnerability is a blast when you are accepted but it sure does stink when the rejection slaps you in the face. But Love, it's worth it. All kinds of love, they are worth the pain because there is also joy in it. I mean Jesus didn't walk to his death thinking everyone would accept him. He walked with the cross knowing that he would be rejected and he found strength that if even just one accepted him that his sacrifice was worth it.

Praise God for his unconditional Love.


This is my love. Debra. It hurts to be attached to a little girl who will be adopted by someone else but for one summer I was her "ayi" (aunt) and I love her with everything in me, and well it was worth it.


peace and LOVE,

Kinsey

Rest

As of late I have been finding myself being rejuvenated by silence and solitude. This is typically not an easy thing for me to do because I really enjoy being with people and talking.... Most of the time when I pray I turn music because i can't stand the silence however, I can't even do that because I loose focus. I'm trying so hard to listen to God and it's not easy when you've been ignoring him. Hearing his voice and understanding that it's him takes time and I'm sad I ever stopped listening.

In class the other day Wade Landers asked us what we thought about listening to the Holy Spirit. Do we believe it? Can we hear it? Generally speaking when the Holy Spirit is talking to us he interrupts our thoughts, pushes us to do something we don't want to do, is scriptural, and is never wrong. You can test the Holy Spirit, but the more you ignore the Holy Spirit the less and less you hear his voice. So i've been praying for God to speak to me and he did today and I ignored him. I can't believe I ignored him. I saw a Muslim woman praying at the park today and I thought I have to talk to her, but I was uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say but in the back of my mind all of the lessons that I've heard and studied from the Bible about God using ordinary people and giving us words came to mind. I wish I had talked to her. I wish I hadn't walked away. I pray that God gives me another opportunity and I pray that i will follow be obedient and faithful.

Mother Teresa said, "We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature---trees, flowers, grass---grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls."

So, take a few moments of silence and listen to God. Rest in the quiet and read his word. The more you know about God the easier it is to hear his voice... So just rest....

Convictions of a drama queen

As of late I have had a lot of convictions. I don't know who is praying for me but I am so blessed. Currently God is rocking my world. I feel the Holy Spirit and I can hear him so clearly. My hearts desire is to be like Jesus and with every word that I say I either a) think about it before I say it b) keep my mouth shut or c) regret it and take it back...

God is working in me and I hope to be a truly transformed person. I know that it takes time, but i'm already noticing changes in myself. Also, I have this problem of being overly observant. I notice what people look like, wear, act, say... it's bad... I notice everything. Because I notice these things many times I point them out to my friends and crack a joke. Praise God for my friends who tell me to shut up and be nice because there are times when I don't even think I'm doing anything wrong!

I also believe that God is changing me because I was challenged in class to pray this prayer, "Lord be ruthless with me in revealing my selfish ambition and my lack of willingness to die to myself." I've been praying this prayer daily and although it is hard to be refined by God it is wonderful to know that I am being made new.

There has also been another helpful thought that i can not get out of my head. 1 Corinthians 13. Francis Chan writes in his book "Crazy Love" to replace "love" with your name and read the text. Am i these things?

Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

To some degree I hold a few of these qualities but not all of them. In these verses all I see is Jesus. He is all of these things and I desire to be like him. I can't get these characteristics and qualities out of my mind. When I think about someone I say, "Kinsey is not rude" or "Kinsey does not envy" and "Kinsey is patient"... I've been quiet for a few days and i'm glad. It's time for a change... a transformation.

I'll leave you with a quote from Mother Teresa.
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echos are truly endless."

- Kinsey

P.S. I have an interview with John Brown on Monday. If you think about it, say a little prayer for me. If I get the job it pays for my tuition and it would be a really wonderful blessing.

Silence is Golden

"We need silence to be alone with God, to speak to him, to listen to him, to ponder his words deep in our hearts. We need to be alone with God in silence to be renewed and transformed. Silence give us a new outlook on life. In it we are filled with the energy of God himself that makes us do all things with joy."

A little thing called Love...

As most of you know (and should know) Valentines day is approaching. Generally speaking I hate Valentines day. Mostly because I'm jealous of everyone who is in love. I know it's wrong but it's the truth. Anyway, I remembered that i must remain faithful to my series of blog postings about Mother Teresa and her quotes. I was really hoping for something different but somehow (fate?) Mother Teresa's quote fits perfectly in with the month of February.

She says, "Love is like a fruit in season at all times. Love can warm three winter months."

At first glance i didn't really understand what Mother T was saying. Can warm three months? What does that mean? And while I attempt to think this late at night the only vision in my mind are the homeless men who stand on 7th street in Joplin begging. Which brings me to another thought. These last few days it has been brutally cold. As I was walking down to my dorm my friend said, "Gosh, it must suck to be homeless" I replied, "EW don't say that" because I honestly couldn't hold the thought in my mind. I didn't want to imagine people sleeping in the cold and having no place to call home.


So what does love have to do with these thoughts? Well, I'm not exactly sure. But I do know that Mother Teresa reached out to the poorest of the poor. And I know that there are a lot of homeless ministries in Joplin and the winter months are some of the hardest so the next time I have an extra few bucks maybe I can buy a blanket or donate to these ministries and help keep someone warm.

Here is an additional thought. Love is like a fruit in season at all times. When you spread love not only do you continue to love others but those people continue to love others and it's like this big seed that started out small and with one apple and turned into an orchard.

What do you think about this quote?