Hopscotch

Balance is important to our lives. However, often times we find ourselves balancing on one foot and hopping to the next when our leg gets tired. This is dangerous. Sometimes it's a wonder how so many people, Christian people, Ministry leaders, etc. fall flat on their face.

But really, it's an easy answer. We equate what we do to equal our relationship with God. It is important to realize that this is a false calling! God calls us to stand firm in our faith, to stand firm in His love. But how can we stand firm if we are teeter tottering around and acting as though our life is a game of hopscotch?

Let's face reality together. People expect more of us than we ought to give. They expect us to neglect our families, our Sabbath, and our daily mundane lives. I fight these battle almost daily. I fight the battle and fear of appearing lazy. If I'm not busy all the time doesn't that equate that I am lazy? NO! Don't believe the lies like I have for so long. Obey God. He is your superior, His opinion matters. If you want to have a successful ministry center your life around God, your relationship with Him, your ministry to your family, then your job/career, and finally your volunteer work.

Let us hold one another accountable to keeping our Sabbath, listening to our minds and bodies as we know when we are out of balance and follow the path that God has for your life. In a second you can ruin your career, tear apart your family, and screw up your life. Be aware of your strongholds, be aware of your patterns, behaviors, and habits. Be consistent with your relationship with God and he will hold your feet firm on the ground and you will not stumble and you will not fall, and you'll notice the pebble that's trying to trip you up.

Stand firm friends! Evaluate yourselves and hold true to the command, "Remember the Sabbath daily."

Blessings,

Kinsey

Life Update

Hello friends.

It's been way too long since my last post. I'm so sorry! However, it should show that I have just been crazy busy, or as I say, CRA CRA!

If you didn't know, my residency at Mountain Christian Church is coming to a quick end. I'll be moving back to Oklahoma the beginning of July. Surprisingly enough, I'm sad, scared, and anxious about leaving Maryland. I've become pretty comfortable here but I know God has other plans for me. It's weird how you just "know" but I have peace about moving back home. Not sure how long I'll be there but I feel God preparing me for something more than I could ever imagine.

In the mean time, I'm learning to live in the moment and take one step at a time. It's been wonderful relinquishing my fears, hopes, and dreams. It's been a scary process but God's faithfulness proves to be better than any of my wildest dreams.

May you find peace in the One who brings about plans bigger than you. Dream Big, allow God to act intentionally in your life and expect Him to show up in unexpected ways.

Love,

Kinsey

2011, Year of No regrets and moving forward

Hi friends,

It sure has been a while since i've written. I love to write but I have been in a funk so I stopped. Well, All is well and I'm back! Sometimes life gets hard. My heart has been bitter for a few months and I've had a rough time being refined by God. I've been living in fear and sorrow instead of seizing the day. Things are changing. I'm choosing to live for the day. I'm choosing to remain faithful to God. I'm choosing to live my life with no regrets. I'm choosing to live honestly. I'm choosing to move forward. I'm choosing to leap.

So often we live our lives in fear of what others think, in fear of the unknown, in fear of love, in fear of rejection, in fear of vulnerability, in fear of life. I am choosing to let go of these. I'm finished living in fear. I'm choosing to live.

2010 was a hard year for me. It holds so many wonderful memories but it also holds the most difficult transition I've ever gone through. Graduating college never seemed like a difficult and emotional step in my life but it sure has been. It's been such a weird transition but I'm moving forward. I'm getting excited about what God has in store for me. Sometimes I jump the gun because I feel ready and I'm tired of trudging through the mud to get to the other side. But life is all about going through one door, meeting people on the other side and choosing to stay, keep moving on, or slamming the door and not stepping through at all.

I have no idea what God has in store for me during 2011. "No regrets" will be my motto and through it all I will continue to move forward with my life, faith, relationships, and I will choose to live for "today."

How's that for a Resolution?

Living fully,

Kinsey

oklaHOMEa

Came home today. By home I mean, HOME! I'm in Oklahoma for the Thanksgiving holiday and my heart could not be filled with more joy.

I walked off the airplane, through the terminal, and saw familiarity and my momma. Tears welled up in my eyes and I was so happy to be home.

I've come to a realization. I don't like Maryland. This sentence is more complex than it appears. I don't like Maryland. What I do like about Maryland: My job, the scenery, co-workers, my 3 friends. My realization is that I do not like Maryland because when I'm in Maryland I cannot escape loneliness. Loneliness never leaves me (so how am I lonely it it never leaves me alone?), I do not have any emotional connection with Maryland and to be honest I'm ready to come home. The only thing that continues to drive me forward is the fact that I'm learning. I'm learning so much, but is that enough? I don't know how long I'll last. I guess this is another lesson from God about perseverance and faith. I have to last. I want to last.

Please pray for me if you think about it. Come next tuesday I'm going to be very sad, possibly bitter, and not ready to go "home." (I shutter to even call Maryland home...)

What does the Lord have in store for me next? It really doesn't matter, I need to focus on today because today has enough worries of it's own...


- Kinsey

friends are friends forever...

Have you heard the really old song, "friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..."? Well I LOVED that song when I was a little girl. I remember singing it to my best friends Kara and Kristen (twins), I LOVED this song. I'm not sure how I can express how much I loved this song. Now, I kinda make fun of it but you better believe I know every word.

So Why am I talking about this song? Because at this "place" in my life right now I am realizing how important friendships are, how important community is, and how difficult it is to come by. Transitioning from Ozark to Maryland hasn't only been difficult because I'm so far from home, but it has been difficult because I no longer live with 30 other girls, eat with 100 people, or "work (aka school)" with 600 other "kids" my age. I no longer have the tangible community and friends that I so dearly thrived on and well, loved.

I've made a few friends out here. But it's definitely been difficult. I'm so blessed with the friendships I've made and I can totally see that they are God ordained. However, I can't help but think of my friends in Joplin and Oklahoma and well others who are scattered across the world.

I know I'm setting a few roots here and I'm sure when I leave that it's going to be really hard to pull those up and move to the next place God has in store for me. But right now, I feel like one of those over grown viney plants that can't really seem to find a home.

My prayer is this, "Lord, please let me settle somewhere next year, I don't think I can be a nomad any more..." I'm not exactly sure what God has in store for me but I do know this, God is changing me and refining me and I'm glad. He is preparing me to be a leader and he is reassuring me every day that I'm doing his will.

All this to say, I really wish that I could do ministry with my friends but I know that God has to spread us out all over to, well, get stuff done. So I take comfort in what my favorite song says, "Friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them..." I'm not saying I'll never see my friends again because I've graduated college but I do think in Heaven there's going to be one fabulous reunion.

So my dear friends, I miss you. I'm not sure when I'll see you but know that I think about you daily, pray for you, and wish you success, hope, and a friendship that lasts a forever (literally).

Love,

Kinsey

Just wanted to say, "Hay!"

A new kind of me...

I've been in Maryland for 3 weeks now. Time sure has flown by! I'm still discovering the town, city, and well east coast. Most days I get lost if I try and explore and sometimes I get lost on my way to work. I wish i wasn't so geographically and directionally challenged. The family I live with have some of the kindest hearts i have ever met. They love missions and the church and they are big volunteers! Obviously this family is well loved in the church.

My job is crazy. I still haven't figured everything out but it all comes with time. Mountain (the church i work out) is going to be a wonderful learning opportunity for me. The staff and members are absolutely wonderful. Community is key here at this church.

I'm immersing myself in the "culture" of Maryland and the church staff life. I never knew how much responsibility i signed up for when choosing to go into ministry. I had no idea that people are always looking at me and that appearance really does matter when you are in a ministry position. You must always look pure and not allow people to "assume." My mind set has completely changed from being selfish to being focused on the mission of the church.

It may seem that my life here in MD is just peachy and perfect, however, it does come with heartache, homesickness, and humility. I used to be so independent. I didn't have to rely on any one for directions or guidance... I did everything myself. Now I have to get step by step directions, hugs from strangers, and counsel for my spirit that seems to be in the refining process.

My friend was talking to me the other day on chat and he asked me what I was struggling with, my answer was the whole transition from being in college and moving to Maryland. Tresor responded to me with this:
"Transitions are our training ground for our calling, it's where we learn the difference between being called and being driven. It is the time we are refined for what we are truly called to."
These words that Tresor told me really spoke to my soul. They have been my prayer the last few days. I really do find that God is refining me and molding me into the woman that he wants me to be today, tomorrow, and in years to come. Needless to say, I think that after a year I am going to be a completely new person. I'm excited for the journey that God is leading me on and I can't wait for the doors that are awaiting my arrival.

Blessings,

Kinsey


"Maryland Me"

On the move

Well folks, I've leaving for Maryland in the morning. I should be arriving on Wednesday in the early afternoon. I'll update you in about a week how everything is going. Please pray for me as I transition into this season of life.

Blessings,

Kinsey

Priorities

Last week I was given the best advice. Do to the amount of encouragement it gave me, I desperately wanted to share it with you. This advice may not come to a surprise to you but for me it was a revelation that I had not given enough thought.

Matthew 22:37 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

I think maybe my whole life I have looked at this verse with blind eyes. It just hasn't been clear to me what loving God means. My mentor Karen told me that as long as i remember that loving God is my first priority I will stand firm and not fall away. We began talking about this and she asked me what my priorities were and naturally I said, "God and what i do for Him..." Karen quickly told me that What I do for God is not as important as having an intimate relationship with God. I can do a lot of things for God but none of it matters unless I love Him and allow him to have my whole life completely and wholly.

It has been so easy for me to think that my relationship with God is right because I am constantly working in the church and surrounded by religion and good needs. However, I have come to the realization that while this is important, my relationship with God should be above all else! I can't just cook and clean and serve all the time. God doesn't just want that. He wants me. He wants to hold me under his wings and hear about what gives me joy and comfort and peace and what breaks my heart and hurts me. God wants my heart, my soul, my mind.

Many times I wonder why so many people in the ministry fall away. The reason is because they become so busy with doing "godly work" that they forget to cultivate their relationship with God and slowly but surely the ground they stand on is no longer rock but sand.

We all have the ability to fall. This is so scary to me. However, I know that if I continually have an intimate relationship with the Lord he will keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. This is not only my prayer for myself but also for you. I hope this brings you revelation and encourage like it did me.

Michael

I just came from a visitation. My brother's brother in law passed away this week. There is something about being in a room with a body that no longer breathes. I kept looking over expecting him to breathe but just his frame was still there... no soul, no life. In his casket was his favorite stuffed animal, a school bus model, and a fire truck. These were his prize possessions. Michael passed away on Tuesday.

If i take a step back and look at it from a different view, his death and the last days of his life were beautiful. On Monday Michael and my sister in law Teri spent the day together. She was his daytime caregiver because he suffered from a rare disease called "hunters." Teri fixed his favorite snack and they watched Ku Fu Panda together. Michael and Teri even talked about how, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is the present, that's why they call it a gift." They talked about how we aren't guaranteed another day and they made plans to take my niece on walks when the weather started to cool down.

Michael went to bed that night and passed away peacefully in his sleep. There was no warning, no signs, he was just gone. Later on Teri had been on his computer and saw that one of his last google searches was "What is Heaven like?" I truly believe that Michael new that he was ready to be with the Lord. Others were not ready to watch him leave this earth but he was ready to see his heavenly father and to be healed through and through. His life and his passing is a representation not only to me but to everyone who came into contact with him of a life blessed by God. We don't always understand why things happen but God worked good in his life and while some may say he died alone, I know that Jesus was with Michael ready to take him to home.

Rest in peace Michael, may you dance in the glory of the giver of life, the author of everything good.

Love,

Kinsey

welcome to my world...

Hey friends! Thanks for helping me name my Nissan Cube! I would proudly like to announce "Wilson, aka Willy Wonka" to the Cube family!


Woo hoo! i'm super excited about "Wilson" and all of the fun times to be had...

Square? Nah, I'd rather say i'm a "cube"

Well friends,

BIG NEWS! I bought my first car tonight. I am so excited! I purchased a 2010 Nissan Cube; color "bitter chocolate"... I am so excited. Not only for my new car but this little baby is what I'll be taking to Maryland. This is one of the many steps that i had to take in order to be able to go to Maryland! This internship is becoming so so real! Did I mention that i was excited?

Well, I'll be saying goodbye to my old car, the "gem (gemini)" my 2000 Plymouth Voyager Van. I'm not to sad to see her go... my brother will be taking good car of her. However, I do desperately need to name my Cube. So, I'm hosting a naming contest. I don't have a prize... but I think the prize is that I'll name my car what you suggested! Here are the regulations, it has to be a boy name because my cube is a "guy"... So put your thinking caps on and suggest a name, I'll let you know when I come to a decision!

Purposeful intentions

There are times in my life when I get down on myself and I throw myself a "Princess Kinsey Pity Party" I call it the "PkPP" I'd like to say it's an annul event, however, it seems to happen more often than i like. I was listening to a sermon by Beth Moore the other day at Bible Study when she said something that really opened my eyes. I'm not sure why I had never thought of it before but it seemed so purposeful for me to hear that evening. She was describing how often times we feel sorry for ourselves and we wonder why we are different or why our paths have twists and turns they way they do and then she said this, "you're not being picked on, you're being picked out... you are chosen." This resonated within my soul. Am I really chosen to be in ministry? Did God really pick me to do this? I believe He did. There is no doubt in my mind that God has laid the paths before me that i have walked down... I could have chosen a different path but I'm glad my soul wanted to be where Jesus was leading me. I hope that maybe this encourages you. God has chosen you to do great things for his glory. So if/when you're discouraged look up to the heavens and remember that HE chose you for a purpose...

Healed

Transitions are not an easy thing. No one ever warned me about the difficult time i might have moving from college to "the real world" I wasn't informed and I had no idea that this transition would break my heart. One moment I have community around me 24/7 and the next I have lack of structure, lack of communication, and to be honest lack of friends. This whole moving back home to Tulsa has taken a toll (much like the turnpike) on me that for sure.

I'm finding myself to be the black sheep in the bunch. It's weird I fit in so well at Ozark, but here I'm different. I don't relate (I try but my friends just don't see it) and I'm just down. My spirit aches for friendship, deep spiritual companionship, and community.

I just happened to be with a dear friend of mine when I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown. We were driving out of the neighborhood to wal mart when my heart sank and the tears began to roll down my face. All i said was, "I'm so lonely." My friend let me vent, talk and explain how sad and heavy my heart was and how I desire love, community, and friendship. I told her I just wish life wasn't like this right now. My sweet friend pulled the car over in a neighborhood gave me a hug and cried with me. She didn't say anything except, "It kills me to know you are lonely, i'm so sorry." I never knew how this one act, a hug, could bring forth healing to my soul.

This experience reminds me of how Jesus healed people. With one touch he healed the bleeding woman, with spit and mud he healed the blind man. Many more stories in the Scriptures show that Jesus healed with touch (and faith of the people too). Jesus never said much to the people, he commanded them, touched them and they were healed.

So maybe you're in a position where you are surrounded by a lot of hurting people. Maybe these people are going through rather tough situations. Instead of listing ways to fix their problems, lean over, give them a hug and cry with them. Bring healing to their souls... it doesn't matter if you relate or not... a simple act can heal the deepest wounds.

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

I've been participating in an amazing "young women's" bible study. We have chosen the study by Beth Moore called, "A woman's heart, God's dwelling place" and while at first i had my doubts and critiques I have come to realize that i have learned so much from this study. Beth is taking us through the the Old Testament and the Tabernacle and it's importance and how we can apply it to our daily lives. This past week we were studying the Alter of Incense and the Basin Laver. This may seem boring to you but it's incredible to see how God used particular tasks and sacrifices to bring about atonement and glory.

The Basin Laver was an interesting study. I learned that this was made out of the wealthy women's mirrors. So when the priests went in to wash their hands and feet they had to look at themselves in the mirror. The reason for this is so they could become right with God. I thought this was so cool because I really struggle with admitting my sin and bringing up who i am to God. Usually I just pray, "God forgive me of my sins" and move on. But what i realized is this is not what God wants from us. He wants us to look at ourselves, acknowledge our sin, and have sorrow for our sin so that we might change.

Even after studying this I found myself praying the same prayer over again. It is so hard to acknowledge my sin and to look at who I am when i'm sinning. Then I realized that I haven't been sorrowful over my sin in a months. I haven't wept during a prayer over my sin for a long long time. And you know what? I need too. Communicating with God and explaining to him why i do things not only helps prevent me from repeating old habits but it also deepens my relationship with God and helps me hear the Holy Spirit.

So, when you enter your tabernacle this week, make sure you take a look in the mirror. God desires open communication about every part of our lives, even sin. Jesus bore that sin when he was crucified on the cross... the least we can do is admit the wrongs we have done.

As Beth would say, "Go in peace beloved ones..."

(I really love Beth Moore and all of here little sayings, especially her Arkansas twang...)

Blog Design Help.

Here's the deal, I need help updating the style of my blog. I want the birds gone... I can't figure it out! Can anyone help me???? Oh please oh please oh please!!!!

Boom!

Hey friends! Well as exciting as my life is, I thought it was time to update you on a few things.

1. I'm still single.
2. I'm still jobless.
3. This makes me very much available.


Okay okay, enough of that. Next Thursday (the 17th) I will get the opportunity to present my internship for Mountain. During this time I will tell them how this will not only benefit me, my home church, Mountain CC, but also the Kingdom. I'm trying to raise $15,300. I'm praying that my church will be my main supporter, not only financially but also through prayer. Please join me this next week in asking for God's favor and guidance in the provision of my funds so that I can go to Maryland and learn about "Glocal" ministry.

If you would like to look at Mountian's website it is mountainchristian.org --- not only is their missions program incredible but so is the history of their church and the other incredible ministries being produced from their church.

Well, Blessings to you this week!

Kinseymac


In the meantime I'll be smelling the flowers...

home is where the heart is.

Currently I'm reflecting on the places that i call home. Sometimes when you're in a state of boredom and loneliness you remember how much God has blessed you in the past. It's good to remember where you've come from. It's good to be excited to see where you'll go. So while I await the future i'll remember the tough times, the good times, the bad times, and the provision that God has blessed me with and refined me in through the past, but i'll remember to live in the present because even though this time seems mundane and boring God is teaching me daily and allowing me to spend time resting in the arms of my family.

battlefield

To all of my prayer warriors it's time to get your prayers on. I've been talking with Mountain Christian Church (in Maryland) about my internship. I've figured up my budget and I need to raise about $15,000. It's going to cost me around $1275 to pay my bills a month.

So I'm beginning my first stage of support, PRAYER. I need prayer, all the prayer i can get. Currently i'm jobless but tomorrow I have an interview at a daycare, please pray that this goes well. It's full time and I can use this 3 month salary to help support myself. Secondly I need prayer that God will guide me, that he will show me the way and help me with all of the logistics. Figuring up health and car insurance is confusing stuff. Also, pray that churches will find favor with me. This internship will be such an incredible learning opportunity. My internship is under the "glocal" minister. This means that I will be working with global and local ministries, missionaries, and such. This is my passion and I'm so excited about it. The reason I'm so excited about it is because churches need missions ministers. The church is called to reach the unreached and I want to educate and help the church fulfill the great commission.

All of this to say, I'm starting to get really excited about all of this. I think it'll be a great opportunity. It's going to be a lot of stress and hard work getting up there but if God wills it, it'll all fall into place.

Thank you for your prayers.

P.S. the goal is to have me out there... SEPTEMBER 1... EEK!

Paving the way

I'm officially a graduate of Ozark Christian College! We had an amazing commencement service on Saturday. To me it felt more like a commissioning service, sending us out to reach the nations. I was encouraged and filled with joy, pride, love, and admiration. I was so excited to know that I went to such an amazing and supportive school where my professors pray for not only me but all of the students... by name.

I said goodbye to some of my closest and dearest friends. Some i'll see in a few months, others in a year or two. I also said goodbye to my home of 4 years. It's so strange to think that I'm no longer a student at Ozark and that I'll never be moving back into the dorm (that is unless I become a dorm parent... haha!) I came to this realization when my mom pulled into our driveway and we started unloading all of my belongings. And then it came... emotional breakdown. I just started bawling. My sweet mom just asked what i needed and tried to calm me down. I guess it's just a process (at least for me).

Here's the thing, I have to keep a positive attitude. I have to realize that it's my time to give back. So many people have been investing in me and now it's my time to show them what God has done in me. I received a really awesome note on graduation day from my friend Connor. He gave me a new perspective and it read this, "I know it may seem like you're leaving a lot behind, but you're not. you're just paving the way until the rest of us can join you in the real world; and frankly, I can't think of a better person for the job that you." It's true. Eventually all of my friends will leave Ozark and move on with their lives. It's exciting to think of all the possible connections that i'll have in the future and the possibility of working with some of my friends in ministry. I'm excited to see how God works in the lives of the ones I call family. What an amazing adventure ahead of me (us).

I thought I'd post a few pictures of the day


Connor thanks for the encouraging words!


Benny Bear thanks for teaching me about useless "modes" of music


Andy Pants thanks for always make me tea!


David thanks for being an amazing friend and brother!


To my girls Molly, Morgan, and Jess thank you for being amazing friends, sisters, and prayer warriors.


Dave and Charlie, Thank you for showing me true unconditional friendship. Thank you for teaching me the art of nertz and blogging. You guys are great.


And a final Group photo!

knock knock, who's there?

It's so surreal. I never actually thought graduation day would come. But here it is! 2 days away. Tomorrow we have baccalaureate and then saturday is the BIG day! GRADUATION! I can't believe it. You know, when I was a senior in high school I never thought about being a senior in college I guess my mind just didn't fast forward that much. It's really funny because everyone always seems to be surprised when they find out you go to a Bible college and at times I get on a high horse about it. Yeah, I go to Ozark... I'm super spiritual and sacrificial... Oh wow! How prideful i can be! However, I never thought of what would happen after graduation. Everything i've been studying for, for 4 years has come to an end. Now I'm expected to go out and serve God. And you know what.... I actually want to. It's completely terrifying and it isn't easy finding a place to serve either. I'm nervous to say the least. It feels like finding a job at a church is going to be a long, bumpy, blurry road ahead of me. It's imperative that i remember God's faithfulness... he has been teaching me his faithfulness for a year on purpose (I do believe...).

These college years have been pretty selfish. Everything has been centered around me. Money, study, and friendships... even serving. Yes, these acts have glorified God but they were pretty selfish and self centered. But now it's my time to give back. It's now time to let God do the choosing and the sending and the guiding. Often times we hear the phrase "God will open up a door" and many times we are selfish in our thinking and believe that God is opening up that door for our needs but have you ever thought about the person on the other side of the door? People are out there waiting to hear the Gospel. Maybe for the first time or maybe in a different light. Whatever the reason God is placing me, you, and my dear graduates in doorways of people who need a little nudge of love in the right direction. It excites me to think about who might be waiting on the other side of the door. I'm excited to see who my friends open the door to too.

So I leave you with this thought,

"When one door opens, sometimes it's for the person on the other side..." --- Chris DeWelt

Go on, open the door... remember how exciting it was to watch the doors open on Reading Rainbow? Well, I guess life is kinda like that... now go see what's on the other side.